So many bangers.
After two decades of delighting the nation together, Declan Donnelly is going solo. Following Ant McPartlin pleading guilty to drink driving, Dec will be hosting the live finals of Britain’s Got Talent on his own.
But let’s not dwell on the end. Let’s go back the beginning – back before the Takeaways and I’m A Celebs, before even the SMTV Lives. Newcastle’s most iconic duo had their genesis on the long running BBC kids drama Byker Grove. For those too young to remember, Byker Grove was about a youth club in Newcastle that seemed to get set on fire every other series (RIP Geoff). McPartlin and Donnelly met on set as teenagers, where they played best buds PJ and Duncan respectively, and also became IRL BFFs.
After ‘Tonight I’m Free’, a song they performed on the show, became a hit, they left to embark on a musical career – after being written out when PJ was hilariously blinded in a paintballing accident. Between 1993 and 1997, they pumped out banger after banger, before SMTV snatched them away.
So here is a guide through some of the defining moments of Ant & Dec’s career as recording artists.
‘Tonight I’m Free’ – performed on Byker Grove in 1993
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0GYKrW7j_M
The North-East’s version of Eric B and Rakim started their musical journey in season five of Byker Grove. PJ and Duncan went under the moniker ‘Grove Matrix’, who Duncs described as them a “the most kickin’ dance band this side of the River Tyne”.
Ok, let’s be clear: this is a total banger. I’m sure in your head you remember PJ and Duncan as churning out novelty hits. But this is my new jam. It’s a silky smooth piece of early 90s acid house, the sort of thing you imagine kids getting mashed to in the Hacienda, waving their hands in the air along to that piano loop. I’m definitely dropping this at the next house party I’m at.
Also, get a load of the wavy garms on show down the Grove. Beanies, sweatshirts and baggy tees in full effect – just splat a few Palace or Supreme logos on there and it could be 2018. PJ wouldn’t look out of place in any Peckham warehouse rave. Duncan could be sat front row at fashion week next to Hector Bellerin. Just check out PJ’s siiiiiiiicckk Adidas cap and shades.
Banger rating: 10/10
‘Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble’ – 1994
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akin-6GjECQ&list=RDakin-6GjECQ
In 2018, it’s a bit of wedding disco cheesefest, but ‘Let’s Get Ready To Rhumble’ is still a banger. The Michael Buffer sample, and the saxophone loop that comes in after the chorus (which sounds like it was recorded in 96Kbps) really make it. And at 1:13, both of them try and rap really fast like Busta Rhymes, and it goes horribly wrong.
Also, at one point one of the backing dancers bangs his head on a bus, and they just left it in.
Banger rating: 9/10
Ant & Dec vs The Undertaker, Gimme 5, Summer 1994
https://www.facebook.com/OfficialWrestlingKings/videos/1800090386904866/
In 1994, Ant and Dec joined the presenting team of CITV Saturday morning show Gimme 5, where, for reasons lost to time they were inexplicably challenged by The Undertaker and Paul Bearer (introduced by host Jenny Powell as “The pallbearer”, because she doesn’t get that his name is a pun). In one of the greatest moments in British television history, the sheer mention of “Ant & Dec” causes Undertaker to smash a table in half in anger.
Then we cut to a few bundles of hay(?), where Ant and Dec are crouched down reviewing Sega Game Gear games, of all things. Undertaker bursts out from behind them, and throws them onto a bouncy castle while ‘Eye of the Tiger’ plays.
Banger rating: It’s not a song, but 10/10
PJ & Duncan on The Word, February 1995.
Here’s Ant McPartlin wearing a hoodie that has the word ‘PERVERT’ on it in big letters.
(Actually, Pervert was a cult early-90s streetwear brand that inspired former Supreme creative director Brendon Babenzien, meaning Ant has real OG hypebeast cred).
Hoodie rating: 9/10
‘Our Radio Rocks’ – 1995
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X-bdhW5iQ8
For the final single off their debut record Psyche, they basically just re-did ‘Ready To Rhumble’, only with the lyrics of LL Cool J’s ‘I Can’t Live Without My Radio’ and the video for ‘U Can’t Touch This’. I particularly like the bit in the second verse where PJ promises “News, views, conversation,” which suggests their radio is a bit like LBC.
Plus, look how much Dec is enjoying himself here.
Banger rating: 7.5/10
‘Perfect’ – 1995
Their sophomore album Top Katz brought a more mature, sensitive side out of PJ and Duncan – and no more is this demonstrated in the sultry, sexy ‘Perfect’. Seriously, if you were born in 1995, you were probably conceived to this song.
What makes this so great is that by this point, they’ve realised that only Dec can really sing. So they have him do the main bits, and just have Ant pop up for the deep-voiced loverman breakdowns. Just listen to him breathlessly whisper “Come to me/ With an open hand/I’m never gonna leave/ I’m gonna make you understand,” and try not to get all hot under the collar. Dec howls “You will never need to fear, just as long as I am here” on the chorus, and then Ant’s Tetsuo-from-Akira-looking face pops up to rasp “Just as long as I am here”. This is Lonely Island-level stuff.
Banger rating: 9.5/10
‘Falling’ – 1997
All things must pass, and after four glorious years the duo retired to the world of television presenting after their third album The Cult of Ant & Dec. Sadly, ‘Falling’ is a rather tepid ballad, with a black and white video doing the whole “boy band goes serious” thing Take That would perfect. Ok, we would get ‘On The Ball’ in 2002, but the golden era was over.
Banger rating: 6/10
But let’s pour one out and listen to ‘Tonight I’m Free 94’ really loud.
