Day 15.
Readers of a sensitive disposition are warned to exercise caution when reading the following piece of content.
Last night on Celebrity Big Brother, Ann Widdecombe committed a crime that should be punishable by no less than death.
A bunch of other stuff happened, but that’s the main thing we need to take away from last night’s episode.
Here’s four important things that transpired, but keep in mind that Ann is scum and must go immediately.
1. Ann Widdecombe disrespected Queen Rihanna and deserves immediate eviction
The housemates were awoken to the sweet sounds of Rihanna, specifically, the song ‘Shut Up And Drive’. Rather than embracing the closest sound to Heaven she’s ever going to hear, Ann opted to put a towel over her head and block her ears. This is a criminal offence and Ann would’ve been aware of that given her political background and time spent as Minister of State for Prisons. Ann gave very little regard for the laws in this country which prohibit any citizen from ignoring the sweet sounds of Queen Rihanna. She should now immediate eviction and a public guillotining, as is mandatory and enforced by the state.
2. Traffic was a nightmare on the M5
Rachel and Shane L popped out to the shops for a packet of biscuits and some milk when they got stuck in a traffic jam on the M5. It was a nightmare, the cars were bumper to bumper. Their cardboard car that appeared to have been designed by a child was somehow sturdy enough to withstand the elements, but Shane was visibly disgruntled with the entire situation. He launched a vicious tirade against the other drivers, pulling mooneys on their windscreens and spitting through their sunroofs. It was tough to watch, but it definitely happened and isn’t made up due to a severe lack of excitement on this year’s show.
3. Malika revealed that she just wants to be left alone and is therefore the most relatable housemate ever to grace CBB
She’s definitely made the right decision in going on Celebrity Big Brother when it turns out that Malika isn’t really a people person. She revealed that she likes to be left alone and isn’t hugely fond of small talk, which makes zero sense when you consider that she’s voluntarily placed herself inside a house with 13 other people with nothing else to do but engage in small talk. Truly it is baffling as to why she’s there. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she is being paid a big juicy stack of cold hard cash to be there? But it would be irresponsible to speculate at this point. She’s probably there for the abundance of mirrors.
4. Ann compared the act of breaking CBB rules to Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seatÂ
Housemates were given a stern telling off and punished with no hot water or hair appliances for 24 hours after they broke the rules by discussing nominations again. Personally, that sounds like a very enjoyable punishment as it’s an excuse to give up on trying to look remotely decent for a day, but that’s just me. Ann headed into the diary room to talk about the whole thing, where she compared breaking the rules to Rosa Parks refusing to give up her seat on the bus. This show is utterly batshit and I want it to end immediately. The main point to take away from last night’s episode is that Ann Widdecombe is the absolute worst.
Images via Channel 5
