Day 3
Still collectively getting our bearings with this year’s Love Island contestants and their various quirks, last night’s episode was an endurance test from start to finish.
Overall, it was the Lucie, Joe & Tommy show, with their three-day love triangle seemingly coming to a head, then returning back to uncertainty once again. Basically, the entire show revolved around them, with quiet legends like Queen Yewande and Banter Michael not even getting a look in.
Content-wise, you missed nothing, but this daily obligatory piece isn’t going to suffer as a result. Reality and straight facts must never get in the way of banter. Never.
Here’s five things you missed, if you enjoy mundane things and also lies.
1. The gang all left the house with jackets because you can take the Brits out of Britain, but you simply cannot take Britain out of the Brits
As Curtis, Amy, Lucie and Tommy set off on their mystery date together, all four brought jackets in town because it is simply not in their DNA to leave the house without a spare layer. Despite it being the middle of summer in Mallorca, this foursome were taking no chances with the weather thanks to their inbuilt desire to at all times have a jacket on hand in case things take a turn for the chilly. Upon returning to the villa after their date, it was disappointing but not surprising to see that all four had employed the use of their jackets for the walk home, meaning they had failed at being in true holiday mode, but succeeded in taking their very British traditions with them all the way to a TV set in Spain.
2. Curtis consumed what appeared to be his very first sip of alcohol
Giddy and high on life, Curtis took the essential role of chief alcohol pourer at the beginning of his and Amy’s very first date. After pulling out Amy’s chair for ease of use, Curtis got to work on wooing his lady. The bottle of unlabelled champagne was opened off camera, presumably by a responsible adult with a steady hand, then it was down to Curtis to pour the booze. He overfilled his glass, quickly rectifying the situation by drinking it before it could drip down the sides, then immediately choked as the bubbles hit the back of his throat, turning a deep shade of red as his airflow became increasingly restricted. Amy laughed a suitable amount and with that, Curtis has now officially had his very first sip of alcohol. Congratulations, champ.
3. Tommy provided us with our first Sinister Teeth-Brushing Scene of the series
Every series of Love Island provides us with the reality television golden scene of a sinister teeth-brushing performance. Someone teams the everyday act with a stern gaze off into the distance, fantasising about snapping the necks of their enemies, or simply daydreaming about an argument that will never actually materialise. Tommy Fury is this series’ first teeth-brushing menace, caught on the morning of day three keeping his pearly whites in check as he scanned his immediate surroundings for any potential threats (just Joe trying to talk to Lucie, essentially). Even the baddest guys have to brush their teeth, just like you and I. Never forget that.
4. Joe’s tattoo of Lucie is healing nicely
Joe had a bandage on his leg, so let’s hypothesise. A cool three days into knowing the girl, Joe has gotten a tattoo dedicated to the love of his life, Lucie. It’s been kept away from the cameras to discourage young and impressionable viewers from getting tattoos of their potential lovers a mere 72 hours into knowing them. Probably on day one, Joe nipped into Mallorca and got a quote for getting Lucie’s face tattooed on his shin. He’s yet to show her the immortalisation of their love, but is feeling confident that this will convince her to stay with him forever and forget about Tommy. Nice one, Joe. You’ve followed your heart and it’s sure to pay off in dividends.
5. The new girl genuinely described herself as a social influencer
New girl Molly-Mae burst onto the scene in a teaser video at the end of last night’s show, boldly describing herself as a Social Influencer. Presumably, her other roles include oxygen tester, hydration dabbler, hygiene practicer, food consumer, taxpayer, blinking technician and saliva producer, among others. We live in exciting times where basically admitting to owning an active Instagram account is now a job title. Molly-Mae ended her piece to camera by saying, “Those boys don’t know what’s coming, I’m gonna pounce”, which is a funny and relatable statement to make in relation to a wedding afters buffet, but a fairly tragic approach to the Love Island villa. Get the popcorn, this is going to be good.
Images via ITV
