Week 3 – Bread
Things! Are! Heating! Up! In! The! GBBO! Tent!
Last night’s episode saw the bakers tackling bread, with some reaching greater levels of success than others.
It was another whirlwind instalment of reality television. There were tears and indeed tiers, meaning all of the most important emotions were catered for (hunger and sadness).
Crucially, we learned that Rahul and Terry are the most precious people on earth and we must protect them, above everyone else, at all costs.
Here’s six hilarious moments you might’ve missed, you silly sausage.
1. Karen was dressed like a woman on the cover of a French schoolbookÂ
For reasons that are as yet unclear, Karen decided that Bread Week was the perfect time for her to debut a new look. She served us a middle aged French woman vibe, one who was simply nipping down to the supermarché for a basket full of baguettes when a stock photographer approached her. Encapsulated by her essence, he begged her to pose for the cover of a GCSE French textbook. Flattered, she indulged and received a tidy lump sum for her troubles. She now gets royalty cheques in the post every quarter. Merci, Karen.
2. Rahul bakes cakes for his local leisure centre staff in a bid to make friends and shut up I’m not crying YOU’RE crying
Henceforth known as The Most Precious Man Alive, Rahul was seen bringing a cake down to his local swimming pool in a bid to make friends. Truly, this man deserves the world, he shall inherit everything on earth. Upon seeing the cake, the lady behind the counter said “Look at that”, which suggested that Rahul has delivered so many cakes at this point, she is running out of compliments so simply makes redundant statements now to keep Rahul’s eagerness to please at bay. Calling it now, Rahul for the win. Possibly for Prime Minister as well.
3. The Hollywood Handshake, regrettably, has officially lost all meaning
We’re just two weeks into the new series of GBBO and we’ve already seen, at an estimate, 7,000 Hollywood Handshakes. They’ve lost all meaning, their shareholders are cashing out. The stocks are tanking. Key investors are losing interest. It’s a shambles. Paul offered up one of his signature handshakes for Dan’s sticky spiced orange Chelsea buns, which although baked well, were hardly deserving of the highest baking accolade on the market today. Hollywood is making a mockery of the sanctity of baking. Remember that gigantic lion made out of bread? That didn’t even get a Hollywood Handshake. This is ludicrous.
4. Noel drew a cat saying a profanity so offensive, the GBBO team had to censor it in post
Noel was whimseying around the place getting in everybody’s way when he stumbled upon Briony’s workstation. She was frantically trying to get her naan bread baked to perfection, when Noel offered to help in the only way that he knows how. He drew a cat on her recipe sheet, but added a speech bubble which included a profanity. The pixellated profanity is illegible as the GBBO production team obviously had to edit it in post production. So what is the cat saying that was so unsuitable for 8pm on a Tuesday broadcast? Probably ****** or **** or even ********. But we’ll never find out. Not legally.
5. Kim-Joy made the worst pun we’ve heard on GBBO in quite some time
‘Just Meowwied’, do you get it? They are cats and it is a wedding cake for the cats. So they have just been married, or ‘meowwied’, if you will. Kim-Joy is a nice girl, but she’s making it difficult to stand by her when she presents such a lacklustre pun. We’ve seen some doozies throughout the GBBO series since it began, but this one has clinched the top spot in terms of discomfort. Cats can’t even get married. Well, they can, but it’s not going to be recognised by the Government. Not yet. I’m all for people expressing their personalities through baking, but this is a nonsense.
6. With some intensive detective work, it became apparent that Jon is from Wales
Viewers would’ve easily missed this interesting tidbit regarding Jon Jenkins’ heritage, but it emerged during last night’s show that he is indeed a Welshman. He lives in South Wales, and if you look closely at the cake pictured above, you can see that he has attached a very subtle Welsh flag along the bottom. It’s tricky to spot, so let’s get an aerial view.
Again, zooming may be required, but you might be able to spot the Welsh dragon atop the cake. This is a symbol of Wales, the country from which Jon is from. If nothing else, this week’s GBBO taught us that Jon Jenkins, from Wales, is a proud and authentic Welshman.
Images via Channel 4
