Should’ve called it ‘I’m A Millionaire Migrant Boss, Get Me Out Of Here!’ tbh.
Channel 4’s latest export sees unemployed people embarking on a two-week paid work trial to see if Brits can dispel the rumour that they don’t work as hard as immigrants. If they impress the boss, they could be offered permanent jobs. If they don’t, they’ll probably end up on next year’s Celebrity Big Brother, so every cloud.
As expected, the show was a rollicking good time. The lucky applicants, Heidi, Wendy, Georgia and Joe got to work in Marwan Koukash (a Palestinian millionaire migrant)’s hotel and his horse stables. But not all of them got offered jobs in the end.
Here’s some key moments from last night’s episode that made the show worth watching.
One guy turned up for his interview in this t-shirt
Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate. When you’re going for an interview, especially one that’s going to be on the telly, maybe wear a shirt? If you haven’t got one at your disposal, borrow one from a friend or family member. Even one of those t-shirts that has a shirt and tie printed on it would be better than this abhorrent article of clothing. How is ‘I’ll be your teddy bear’ written in Comic Sans supposed to entice a potential employer? “Well, I’d have to say my key strengths would be that I’m willing and able to be your teddy bear. My weaknesses are that I simply don’t have any”. You’re hired!
The Millionaire Migrant boss’ hotel has a cigar terrace
Mad respect to the person that was put in charge of making ‘smoking area’ sound as pretentious as possible. Lest there be any confusion about the fanciness of this particular hotel, it is indeed paradise, complete with both a connectivity centre and a terrace upon which to smoke your fattest Cuban cigars. These unemployed people are sure to feel right at home in such a normal hotel, which probably requires guests to disclose their latest Klout score before being permitted to book a stay.
The hotel’s housekeepers can strip and remake a bed in four minutes, and are therefore witches
I can’t even locate my fresh sheets and duvet cover in four minutes, so this is blatant witchcraft. The trainees were shown how to clean a hotel room from top to bottom, which apparently shouldn’t take longer than thirty minutes. The housekeepers were borderline robotic. Their eyes completely glazed over and they were in a trance-like state, racing around the hotel as if it was an episode of Changing Rooms and the family were about to return home. There’s something untoward going on with those housekeepers. Their efficiency is unfeasible. They are witches.
One of the girls cleaned a mirror with a toilet brush wrapped in a towel
She turned up an hour late for work because her alarms “didn’t go off and there was loads of traffic”, so Georgia had a lot of ground to cover in a very short space of time. Upon reaching the bathroom, she announced that it was very dirty, then began to lazily clean it. Georgia soon realised that it would be difficult to reach the top of the mirror, so she did what any person with a brain would do. She got a chair to stand on She wrapped a towel over a wet toilet brush and used that to wipe the mirror, obviously. What we’re dealing with here is an innovator. She’s going to be single-handedly running the hotel in no time.
Marwan took the trainees to his gigantic mansion so they could feel bad about themselves
Imagine you’ve just landed a job that pays £7.50 an hour and your boss invites you over to his gigantic mansion so you can see what your cheap labour is funding the upkeep of. What a cruel prank. Sure, he had them over for a lovely meal and they all got to break bread together under the mask of civility, but in truth, it was merely an opportunity for Marwan to rub their noses in his fortune. Was it really necessary to march them around the pool? Show them his submarine? Give them a tour of his spaceship? Show them his underground bunker filled with World War II memorabilia? Ok one of those things happened, but still.
Georgia was late again, but this time it was due to a police cordonÂ
Twenty minutes late this time, so at least she’s shaved forty minutes off her previous record. Poor Georgia is having a rough time of it. It’s just rotten luck that the only worker this police cordon affected was herself, with everyone else managing to escape the traffic and arrive for work on time. Lest we forget that on her first day, Georgia’s pesky alarm failed to go off and she was hit with traffic yet again. What luck. Georgia is the unluckiest girl in the world. Perhaps it is because she is about to step on a crack in the pavement in the above image.
Georgia (the girl who cleaned a mirror with a toilet brush) went on to clean a chair with a toothbrush
This time she was actually instructed to do so, but that didn’t make it any less hilarious. Georgia slowly emerged as the shining star in last night’s episode of My Millionaire Migrant Boss. She legitimately doesn’t want to do any work, and we can all identify with that on some level. Being moved from housekeeping duties to a horse stable and then to a luxury spa wasn’t enough to spark some enthusiasm out of Georgia. She’s an honest gal. She simply wants lots of money without having to work and tbh, that’s very fair.
Day 3 and Georgia got stuck in traffic AGAIN, the unlucky swine
Georgia has been having the worst luck during this process. This time, traffic was at a total standstill “for about twenty minutes” and as luck would have it, poor Georgia was stuck right in the middle of it. These excuses all seem a bit convenient and I think I’ve worked out what’s going on here. Georgia is a traffic magnet. Wherever she goes, traffic follows. She’s never going to be on time for a damn thing with this affliction. We shouldn’t be making fun of her, we should be trying to find a cure for this debilitating disease. Marwan fired her after her third day arriving late because he is a savage. She needs help.
Ok so it turned out Georgia was lying about the traffic thing all along
Georgia was talking through her arse, essentially. We have official confirmation. At the end of the show, we’re told that Georgia is now employed as a care worker and she informed us “I haven’t been late once”. The traffic magnet has broken her curse. It turns out all it took was a job that she was genuinely interested in. Getting out of bed to clean mirrors with toilet brushes and chairs with toothbrushes clearly wasn’t her bag, but now that she’s found something she loves, Georgia has been traffic-free since her very first day. What a heartwarming end to a gripping story.
Images via Channel 4
