Cryday, more like.
Hold on to your knickers because I am about to blow your fragile little mind by telling you that Rebecca Black released ‘Friday‘ six years and six days ago.
It’s been half a dozen years since the world changed beyond repair, with that trademark nasal singing voice and low budget music video.
But how does the video with a staggering two million dislikes on YouTube hold up today? Let’s investigate.
The CGI bus stop is still insultingly bad
For as long as I live, I will never understand why Rebecca didn’t just go to an actual bus stop for this shot. They’re literally everywhere, that’s the whole point. The director of this video should be sentenced to a life of trying to figure out how tax returns work or something equally soul-destroying. You simply cannot add a very poor and also slightly out of focus CGI bus stop to a music video and expect us all to carry on with our lives. We are not fools, we can spot the wool being pulled over our eyes from a mile off. The kerning is completely off and why the fuck is the first letter of each word in bold, thereby highlighting ‘BS’, which is what this entire music video is. Perhaps this is one of those instances where a revenge-seeking graphic designer pops in a subliminal hint at their discomfort with being associated with something. In which case, LOL.
WHY AREN’T HER FRIENDS WEARING SEAT BELTS? THIS IS STILL ILLEGAL
I don’t care how excited you get at the prospect of it being Friday, you simply do not get into a car without your seat belt on. It’s dangerous, stupid and a surefire way to ensure that your music video will get 2m dislikes on YouTube. These children are approximately four years old, they need to be fastened into a booster seat and bribed with hard boiled sweets to stop fighting for five bloody minutes or so help me God I will pull over this car. Dickhead in the back is at risk of falling out of the car if they hit a speed bump or brake suddenly to avoid hitting a rogue squirrel. I don’t care if it was 2011 at the time and the world was still reeling from Colin Firth’s stunning performance in The King’s Speech, rules of the road need to be obeyed both then and now.
Has the sad blonde girl found her inner peace yet?
The girl on the left, let’s call her Judy, became an instant meme back at a time when becoming a meme actually took quite a bit of work. It’s hard to assess specifically what it was about Judy that shot her to internet stardom, but I think it comes down to the pained expression in her eyes. It’s likely that she was a friend of Rebecca’s, drafted in to help her make what was widely regarded as the shittest song and music video of all time. We’ve all been in that position. She’s done her best, her hair’s looking great, her makeup is sufficient and that dress certainly screams FRIDAY! What’s let Judy down is the truth in her eyes. They’s screaming at us all, saying “Please help me I am deeply uncomfortable with this situation”. I still think about Judy twice a week. Are her and Rebecca still in touch? Did she ever get her braces off? Has she found the light within yet? We may never truly know.
If the budget of the video was anything more than $12, Rebecca deserves a refund to this very day
Harsh as it may seem, even with our naive 2011 little eyes, it was clear as a hydrated person’s piss that the music video for Friday cost nothing more than $12 (£8.87). From the CGI bus stop sign to the two lights underneath a tree party setting, Rebecca seemed to be under monetary restrictions, or else wanted to keep things minimalistic to allow the music to speak for itself. Which ever of those instances is true, it’s still apparent in 2017 that perhaps this whole concept wasn’t fully fleshed out. The vocals, the set dressing, the fucking CGI. It’s a hot mess and I’m still not over it. Most electrical goods come with a warranty of 1-3 years, so if Rebecca hasn’t returned those dazzling lights for a full refund yet, it’s unlikely she will ever be able to.
Carparks are still a common recreation ground for overdressed teens
Mad respect to Rebecca Black for calling it six years ago. She chose a timeless Friday night activity like loitering in a carpark whilst grossly overdressed specifically so that the video wouldn’t date. Teens, to this very day, are still turning up to the nearest Tesco carpark in their shit cars to viciously insult members of the opposite sex in the hopes of getting to touch each others’ genitals on Friday nights. “Gotta get down on Friday”, they murmur as they call each other ‘virgin’ and ‘shit’. Regardless of her shortcomings with the rest of this monstrous music video, Rebecca got one thing right: Teens will forever be enamoured with carparks and the ability to get dressed up to go to a place that was literally designed to store a large volume of cars.
Credit where it’s due, Thursday still precedes Friday
It’s important to recognise some of the positives in this music video and I’m not adverse to doing so. During the stunning sticky notes graphics portion of Friday, we’re treated to such groundbreaking information as, on Friday, ‘yesterday was Thursday’. It’s flawless. Rebecca has called it. In 2011, Thursday preceded Friday. We’re now in the year of our Lord 2017 and guess what? Thursday still precedes Friday, folks. I’m inclined to overlook the failures that have been listed above because Rebecca has perfectly recalled and similarly predicted the longevity of these days which were derived from the classical planets in Hellenistic astrology. She may not have had much of a vocal range, but she more than made up for it with her knowledge of the days of the week.
Wilson still drives a car in 2o17, probably
Wilson, a household name still to this very day, is the only rapper in the world fortunate enough to have ‘Rapped on Friday by Rebecca Black’ on his CV. During the pre-production for the video, the edgy and revolutionary decision was made for Wilson to drive a car whilst he rapped his verse to the camera. That was unleashed into the world six years and six days ago, but I can estimate that Wilson is probably still driving to this very day. We know that he drove on Friday, but now he might even drive Saturday-Thursday as well, such is the versatile nature of cars. They work every day! Wilson dropped rhymes whilst driving like no other on Friday and it still holds up in 2017 because cars are still very much in use today, by both him and the rest of the world.
