Day 3
Last night’s I’m A Celeb continued to school us on the ways in which celebrities lead their insane little lives.
For example, did you know that some of them don’t know how to use air quotes properly? Like just legitimately cannot get their famous heads around the concept? Sadly, it is true.
A bunch of funny stuff happened during the show, none of which will make a huge dent on your everyday life, but might distract you from your impending mortality for a few minutes.
Here’s six moments that were hilarious, depending on your definition of the word.
1. Dec stood up for girl power and gender inequality was cancelled as a result
He did it! It’s done! We’ve won! To hammer home the fact that both camps have now joined together to form one giant super camp, they played a clip of ‘Two Become One’ by The Spice Girls, to which Dec danced quite provocatively. His moves, we’ve heard from various authorities both at home and abroad, have somehow managed to abolish gender inequality. The wage gap, harassment, chauvinism, it’s all over. Declan Donnelly, with an impromptu set of dance moves, has stood up for girl power and eradicated gender inequality. Fellas, it’s over. We comin’.
2. John Barrowman broke his singing ban three days into the show, with very little persuasion from Harry Redknapp
Emily woke up and openly queried what the day would entail, when Nick sarcastically answered that perhaps they’d get to go on a trip to the seaside. This is funny because they’re in the middle of the jungle and also they are contractually obligated to stay put until further notice. Struck with a sudden desire to sing, Harry burst out with “Oh we do like….” and just five words into the song, Barrowman joined in, giving it socks with his famously perfect pitch, both belting out a rendition of the classic ‘I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside’, despite being told not to sing for copyright reasons. We are three days in and the singing ban has been obliterated.
3. It transpired that the wood for the fire is scattered around the jungle by the production staff, proving that nothing is real and life is a lie
We often hear about the celebrities going off into the jungle to collect wood for the fire, but it appears that they’re not quite going to the great lengths that are implied. Harry and John went for a walk to collect some firewood, when they eventually reached a small collection of perfectly chopped logs in convenient easy-to-carry sizes that were stacked behind some rocks, ready for the guys to bring them back to camp. Viewers under the assumption that these celebrities were physically chopping down trees for firewood will be disappointed at this revelation. Everything is a farce. I’m A Celeb is fixed. Love is a lie. Life is pointless.
4. Nick Knowles revealed that he got scouted to make an album after he was overheard singing with Biffy! Clyro!
Nick Knowles dropped their name with the clunk of an unregistrable amount of decibels and lifted the lid on his music career. Apparently Nick was performing on the roof of a bar in Soho with Biffy Clyro when someone from a record company took note. He got a call shortly afterwards, asking if he wanted to do an album. Initially, he didn’t want to, but was eventually talked into it by his brother. That’s just how the world works when you’re famous. People ask you to do stuff and you do it simply because you can. Now Nick Knowles’ cover of ‘To Make You Feel My Love’ is currently at the top of the charts. If Britain could channel this kind of powerful energy into something productive, the nation would be unstoppable. But no, let’s get the man off DIY SOS to number one, I guess.
5. James accidentally revealed that he doesn’t know how to use air quotes properly
Fleur had just delivered the news that Snake Rock would be uniting with the other camp, finally bringing all of our beloved celebrities together. James was relieved, rushing to the diary room to get his feelings across. He delivered a perfect monologue to hammer home his delight at the news, but in turn revealed himself to be incapable of using air quotes correctly. He said “We are leaving our beloved / awful camp”, but used air quotes on ‘awful’ rather than ‘beloved’. He used them on the wrong word. He is Joey from Friends. James ‘The Vamps’ McVey doesn’t know how to use air quotes correctly. Tell everyone. Make it known. Thank you, I’m A Celeb, for exposing these celebrities’ shortcomings, one chump at a time.
6. Dec revealed himself to be one of the most gifted magicians of our time
Did you see that? Did you actually see that? During last night’s I’m A Celeb, Declan Donnelly was holding up two fingers, then with a quick swoosh of the hand, revealed himself to actually be holding up just one finger. This was again to emphasise the fact that the two camps had amalgamated into one, which was a very tricky concept to get your ahead around with these important visual cues being repeated. But seriously, how did Dec do that? If he’s such a talented magician, what’s he presenting reality TV shows for? The man needs to go on tour and finally be the one to put Derren Brown out of business. David Blaine is cancelled. Dynamo is shook. David Copperfield DGAF, tbh. If he learns some card tricks, Dec can work a pretty stunning pun into the name of his show. Dec, if you’re reading this, call me.
Images via ITV
