Chucky and Boris Johnson share a similar big hair energy and enjoy wrecking havoc on our lives
‘Tis the season of unbridled horror – and yet the scariest thing to float across our screens this year has been footage from the House of Commons. Just like last year, and the year before that.
Watch enough horror classics and parallels between the genre’s greatest villains and Westminster’s ‘finest’ become increasingly apparent.
Suddenly elitist cadaver Jacob Rees Mogg is reminding you of the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth, and you see a similarity between how Carrie Johnson and Carrie White from Stephen King’s classic both got sucked into a world of deceit, betrayal and headline-hitting atrocities.
So, which politicians would you cast as classic horror characters? Let’s take a look…
Boris Johnson as Chucky from Child’s Play
Chucky and Boris Johnson share a similar big hair energy. Not only that but they are also rarely taken seriously despite their numerous violations against humanity.
Though the PM has not violently murdered anyone, some of his past quips seem similar to that of the smart-mouthed doll.
He once referred to gay men as “tanked up bum boys”, called black people “picanninies” and compared Muslim women to “letterboxes”.
Need we say more?
Despite his countless transgressions (many of which you can read here), a mass of people still regularly call him a “legend” or worse – dub him as a harmless caricature.
Chucky is never taken too seriously, even in the wider horror community, with many saying he is still a doll and so defeating him is easy enough. They said the same about Johnson, that he was UK’s Trump and having him in the most prominent political seat was a joke, but we all know how that ended.
Despite everyone’s doubts about their fear factor, Johnson and Chucky continue to wreak havoc on our way of life.
Keir Starmer as Frankenstein’s Monster
Both Frankenstein’s monster and Sir Keir are a loose patchwork of ideals from a forgotten time sent out into the world like a child with no real vision. They fumble around, make a few noises – but ultimately are very meh.
There’s a reason Frankenstein’s monster never had a name – and that’s because he is defined by his creator. Sound familiar?
While the ideal leader of the opposition would display a rallying cry for the left, Starmer’s debates are more akin to grunting replies that do little besides giving his enemies ammunition.
At the dispatch box, his prosaic lawyerly responses are undoubtedly written in crayon to be read aloud. The only thing missing are the Conservative party pitchforks they usually wield with prejudice.
Priti Patel as Saw‘s Jigsaw
The Jigsaw killer is best known for his elaborate traps but also for his complete disregard for human life. There’s only one MP that seems to align with these themes and that person is the current Home Secretary, Priti Patel.
From the employment of armoured jet skis to deal with incoming migrants, to a wilful ignorance surrounding crime in the UK, Patel not only plays with people’s lives but does so in one of the highest positions in the country.
“How you play the cards you’re dealt is all that matters,” says Jigsaw – could you not envision those very words coming from the mouth of the Home Secretary?
Jeremy Corbyn as Dracula
Some horror characters have been around since the dawn of time – and so has Jeremy Corbyn. Despite being ousted from the Labour party leadership with pitchforks and torches, the spectre of Corbyn still hangs over the political debate.
Spread just like the Vampirism virus, Corbynism began at the grassroots. His political hypnosis had the youthful masses enthralled for years, many of whom chanted “oh Jeremy Corbyn” with a monotonous groan. No matter the amount of garlic, crosses, and holy water BoJo threw at him, Corbyn’s followers remained consistent in their thinking – Jezza was their chosen one.
Even now, two years after Corbyn scurried back to his political coffin having sucked the life blood out of the Labour party, his followers wait in the wings.
Matt Hancock as Sadako from The Ring
Though they bear no physical resemblance, both Hancock and Sadako are involved with footage you just can’t get out of your head. Though Sadako arrives through your TV to murder you seven days after watching her film, we’re still awaiting our punishment after watching Hancock make out with close aide Gina Coladangelo.
Nigel Farage as Pennywise the clown
Enter Nigel Farage: a clown in a human suit who, just like the grinning Pennywise, relies on stoking fear to survive.
Besides the malevolent grin, questionable fashion choices and grating voice, Farage and Pennywise have a lot more in common than you might think.
Through countless media appearances and his twisted Cameo endeavour, Farage continues to fuel division around topics like immigration, Brexit and anti-lockdown.
In true Pennywise fashion, Farage’s power comes from the fear he stirs. Take that away, along with his cult-like audience, and he disappears leaving only his skinsuit, a pack of Marlboro straights, and a half-drunk pint of beer that he doesn’t even like.
Though Stephen King’s terrifying clown hides behind layers of thick white makeup, Farage’s mask is eerily political in nature. If you cut through the makeup, the bravado, and the need to incite a hard-right revolution, Farage is the very elitist he claims to despise.
Related links:
- The definitive list of movies and TV to see you through autumn
- Dune is the best fantasy film since The Lord of the Rings
- Superman actor Dean Cain criticises decision to make hero bisexual
