Day 7
Boy oh boy that Love Island villa, eh?
It all kicked off last night, if your definition of ‘kicking off’ is a very tame evening indeed.
Yewande finally got to go on a date, Molly-Mae revealed that she fancies everyone, Tommy had about twelve showers again and Curtis and Amy did some kissing.
Now that the headlines are out of the way, it’s time for the more important occurrences, basically the seemingly insignificant things that you probably didn’t even notice.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.
1. There’s a 13th contestant in the Love Island villa and it is Jambon
Settling into their new careers as professional garden layabouts, we saw the gang topping up their tans while they exchanged theories about new guy Danny, such as his height, build and whether he is a flat earth truther or not. But the eagle-eyed among us would’ve been distracted by a wayward water bottle resting in the grass. Upon closer inspection (shouting ‘computer, enhance’ while pausing the TV and physically moving closer to the screen), the bottle says ‘Jambon’. Ergo, there is a 13th housemate and it is a jambon, meaning that it is either a French ham, or a ham and cheese puff pastry. Either way, we need answers. The Love Island producers are trying to pull the wool over our eyes, but it won’t work. Not for long. This is the Love Island equivalent of that stray coffee cup being left on the Game of Thrones set. I have contacted the show and await their comment. Stay woke.
2. Yewande disrespected Joe in the cruellest, most demeaning way possible
Joe is a simple guy, he cares about sandwiches, Lucie and literally nothing else. Before Yewande went on her date with Danny, Joe was the first one to hype her up, telling Yewande she looked gorgeous, getting the girl suitably gassed for her potential new love interest. Even when she returned, Joe was straight over to find out how things went, visibly excited about the whole thing. But then Yewande engaged in a malicious act. She ate a slice of toast. Not just any slice, the heel of the bread. As a sandwich connoisseur, Joe’s nemesis is presumably the heel of a sliced pan. He can’t use the heel. Heel sandwiches don’t exist yet. Every time he makes sandwiches, the heels go to waste. Joe hates heels. But Yewande ate one right in front of his face WHILE WEARING LITERAL HEELS. She’s scum.
3. The islanders accidentally revealed themselves to be complete and utter pigs, happily festering in their own filth
Little did Curtis and Amy know that by sneaking off to have a private kiss, they were exposing the entire Love Island villa’s inhabitants for the pigs that they are. In the scene pictured above, no less than three towels can be seen strewn across the villa floor with gay abandon. These contestants are treating their lodgings like a hotel and it’s an outrage. They’re on holidays, currently experiencing peak drying conditions. They’re living in a fantasy land where leaving your towel draped over a chair on the balcony will dry it overnight, presenting itself fresh as a daisy in the morning, ripe for poolside sun bed reserving. The islander aren’t living the true Brits Abroad experience. They’re pigs, each and every one of them. Air out your damn towels. Animals.
4. Less than 12 hours in the villa, Danny’s boredom started to manifest in familar ways
Not a wet minute in the villa and Danny seemed to be thoroughly fed up with the mundanity of everyday Love Island life. He snuck away to the kitchen to stare into the abyss, which just so happens to be located inside the fridge. Gazing expectantly into the fridge is the international sign language symbol for boredom. You open the door, scan the shelves from top to bottom, then close it and instantly forget everything you’ve just seen. It takes most islanders a couple of days before they find themselves in this trancelike state, but Danny slipped right into it on day one. Luckily Yewande was on hand to put him to work, picking up objects she purposely scattered across the floor. What a champ.
5. Curtis and Tommy wore matching underwear because their bond is physically impenetrableÂ
Perhaps unintentionally, Curtis and Tommy appeared to be wearing the exact same pair of underwear during last night’s show. Is this a coincidence? Did one forget to pack their knickers and had to go begging for a lend from the other? Or, quite simply, did they coordinate their underwear because that is precisely what male friendship looks like in the year of our lord 2019? On a show where we’ve seen bromances inspire such acts as shaving each others’ initials into their pubes, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that Curtis and Tommy are secretly matching their pants in the ultimate act of solidarity through friendship. Believe what you will. Love is real and it’s on that goddamn island, finally.
6. The islanders are given Lidl brand chocolate like some kind of impoverished degenerates
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LIDL CHOCOLATE, some of my best friends are Lidl chocolate. It is perfectly decent chocolate at affordable prices. Okay? Okay. Now, in the context of Love Island, these future influencers are staying in a villa that’s rumoured to cost up to £7k a week if you want to rent it. It’s got a hot tub, creepy giant communal bedroom, swimming pool, outdoor kitchen, hideaway and probably even some toilets. Basically, they are staying in luxurious conditions for the grand price of zero pounds and zero pence per calendar month. In keeping with the theme of a lavish lifestyle, you would expect some branded and expensive chocolate – Dairy Milks, Mars Bars, possibly even a Freddo. Instead, the islanders are eating a brand known simply as Mister Choc. It’s inhumane, like ordering a Yop on board a private jet. Give the islanders some Milky Way Crispy Rolls, FFS. They are working hard and providing us with endless entertainment, let their palates live a little.
Images via ITV
