Day 38
Truth be told, I am running out of introductions for this daily Love Island roundup.
The show aired last night. Some things happened. There was noisy kissing. People sat in the sun. Flirting took place.
It’s rumoured that this series will finish on Monday 29th July and frankly, that feels about right.
We’ve had our fun, we’ve made our memes and we’ve changed our opinions on just about every islander in the villa.
So let’s just enjoy the time we have left. Let’s savour it. When it’s gone, we’re going to have to socialise again and it will be hell.
Here’s six things you might have missed during last night’s Love Island.
1. Anna auditioned for Birdbox 2
As Love Island edges closer to the end with each episode, it’s perfectly natural that the islanders are thinking about the future. Some will turn to the influencer lifestyle, others will become what’s known in the industry as ‘personalities’, while the rest will appear on a topical panel show precisely once, then fade into obscurity. Every moment counts right now, so we’re seeing the islanders’ not-so-subtle attempts at securing future employment. Last night, Anna and Jordan got to spend a night in the hideaway. But money never sleeps, and neither does Anna’s appetite for a successful future. Under the guise of role play, Jordan blindfolded Anna and in that very moment it became clear what she was after – the lead role in Birdbox 2.
2. Michael continued onslaught of insensitivity towards Amber by giving her TOILET PAPER to use as a tissue
Genuinely, when will this vicious tirade end? Michael has been mean to Amber for far too long, and he made it ten times worse during last night’s show. Amber confronted Michael about his snarky attitude the night before, which resulted in her entering an emotional state. Amber proceeded to cry genuine tears. “One second”, Michael said, and then scurried off into another room. Perhaps he was making a sandwich, or having a sit down to think about his misguided actions of the past. Nope, he was getting bog roll for Amber to dry her tears with. Bog roll. Toilet paper. To use on her eyes. Jesus, Michael. Have some sense. Amber needs a soft tissue, possibly a handkerchief. The man is a menace to society and needs locking up.
3. Ovie continued to be the style icon this series so tragically needed
Put a jazzy pair of swim shorts, a t-shirt draped across their head, sunglasses and an elderly man’s fishing cap on any other Love Island inhabitant and they would look like a goddamn lunatic, but put it on Ovie and what you’ve got is fashion in its rawest form. The dude is what André 3000 was talking about when he asked “What’s cooler than being cool?”, it is being 6ft 7in tall Love Islander Ovie Soko. This series was on its arse, banter-wise, before Ovie came along. The man woke up and did the David Brent dance move earlier in the show. He shouts “message” in the most wholesome and excitable tone every time someone gets a text. The planet is dying and the economy is in turmoil, but at least we have Ovie.
4. Maura seemed to fancy Curtis even more when he was dressed like a dog, which is very frightening??
As part of the ‘Doggy Style’ challenge, all of the boys had to dress as dogs and navigate their way across an obstacle course with the help of their partner. Everyone took the nonsense task in their stride, but there was a noticeable level of excitement coming from Maura. Her and Curtis are still getting to know each other, figuring out if they’re compatible, deciding if they would be embarrassed to introduce each other to their friends, sizing up the potential for spending time together outside the villa. Then Curtis dressed up like a creepy dog from a children’s TV show segment and everything became certain in Maura’s eyes. She fancies Curtis dressed as a dog. This is a done deal. They’re going all the way. The is romance in 2019 and it is disgusting.
5. Chris has finally earned his place in the Love Island villa after exhibiting an exceptional Silly Salmon
If you don’t know about the Silly Salmon challenge, I don’t know what to tell you, except that it involves plunging yourself into a body of water in a salmonistic way. You must plant your arms firmly by your side, then flap your body in the air as you hurtle yourself towards water. Chris did a very fine rendition of the Silly Salmon during last night’s Love Island, and it was long overdue as he hadn’t really provided anything of substance prior to that. Earlier in the show he said he was looking for a girl that would “butter” his “crumpet”, which was deeply unsettling for all involved, but he really turned things around with that Silly Salmon. Respect to Chris, he is now an accepted islander and a noted purveyor of banter.
6. Feeling the mundanity of everyday life without television, the girls opted to watch Ovie taking a shower for light entertainment purposes
To be fair, watching Ovie, 6ft 7in Ovie Soko taking a shower is better than most television shows in existence today. During last night’s instalment, Amber, Francesca and Anna made themselves at home plonked in front of the shower while Ovie proceeded to lather his entire body with shower gel. “Is that really how you shower?”, asked Amber, whose tone suggested that she was moderately perturbed by the fact the Ovie probably touches his butt and face with the same cleaning implement during his washing process. Strangely, it was a heartwarming event seeing the girls keeping Ovie company for what is traditionally a lonely time in the life of a hygienic person. Were the roles reversed, would it be weird? Three guys sat watching a girl showering? That is simply not for me to say, but probably, yes.
Images via ITV
