Our ancestors have been on this planet for around 6 million years. Humans, in their modern form, have been around for 200,000 years. Somehow, for some reason, we still cannot deal with pollen
All that time, all that evolution from and yet pollen still fucks us up. It’s unforunate, but there isn’t much we can do other than vaseline our nostrils (yes, this is a thing, it stops the pollen apparently, lube those nostrils up son) and knock back antihistamines like they are Skittles (don’t actually do that).
That’s it really, futile preventative measures when it’s alredy far too late. Our eyes are already watering, we are sneezing our lungs out, our eyes are now suddenly itchy as well as wet and we just want it all to end as we attempt, in vain, to rub our eyes out of our actual skulls.
Pollen. Pollen is bad. Pollen is universally bad. And guess what? Britain is set to experience the highest pollen count in 12 years, a record in the last decade. It’s is on its way. It’ll be here on Friday, just in time to ruin your post-work drinks. Once again: bad. Once again, absolutely terrible.
I know what you’re thinking, you’re reading this with a kleenex dangling out of one nostril and wondering how it could get any worse. Well, buckle up.
According to the Met Office, the count is going to soar on the 22nd of June – commonly known as ‘Hay Day’ if you’re a bit of a weirdo – and it means that the one fifth of the UK’s population that suffers from the world’s most annoying ailment will be struck down with the ‘fever once again.
The Met Office’s Nicola Maxey told the Independent: “As I understand it the reason we have such high pollen levels this year is because we have had perfect weather for pollen so far this year.
“It’s been lovely and warm, followed by rain, and then dry days with breezes that lift the pollen off the grass, plants and trees.
“So far this year we haven’t seen pollen counts exceeding those of some previous severe years, such as 2005 and 2006.
“It is unlikely that this will be a record-breaking year, although it is more severe than average and the worst in over a decade.”
London, the East, South East, South West and East Midlands are the areas expected to be most affected and people are strongly advised to check the side effects before taking antihistamines as many cause drowsiness and should be avoided in certain situations, such as, you know, driving, operating a bulldozer or performing surgery.
