It’s the finding someone while your eyes are leaking and you’re snotting everywhere that’s the hard part
The scientists have spoken and, apparently, having sex could help alleviate hay fever. No, it’s not the set-up to a bad punchline, it’s genuine work done by some researchers in Iran and now we’re more determined than ever to break the dry spell. We’ve been doing it in accordance with Covid restrictions, of course…
So, when we asked the people of London “are you getting any?”, little did they know we were trying to get them prepared for a pollen-filled summer. Thankless work this journalism lark.
Shagging's back, sort of. @OliDugmore and @edcmpbl ask the men of London if they're getting any. pic.twitter.com/B3vsMN8n1d
— JOE (@JOE_co_uk) April 16, 2021
As alluded to, a team of researchers in Iran noted that the reproductive system is linked to the nasal system and, as such, have found that that sex constricts blood vessels in the nose and eyes, causing your eyes to stop streaming and also helping unblock the stupidly stuffy noses.
The team at Tabriz Medical University admit they have not yet conducted clinical trials to test their hypotheses, however, they have been researching this since at least 2019. If they are proved right, they could help reduce reliance on antihistamine drugs and make lots of people very happy.
Sina Zarrintan – one of the neurologists heading up the research – says his method would be a lot more enjoyable (well, yeah) and cheaper (not going down that route) than more conventional treatments, i.e. antihistamines etc., but stressed it would not be necessary to do it all the time. Necessary but still optional if you’re the prolific type.
He went on to say: “It can be done from time to time to alleviate the congestion and the patient can adjust the number of intercourses depending on the severity of the symptoms.” – though we doubt you’re going to be able to swing it strictly on medical grounds, to be honest.
Sceptics have, of course, ridiculed the idea; Mohammed Amin Abolghassemi Fakhree from the same university said: “There are some limitations in using ejaculation as a treatment of nasal congestion, such as not being applicable out of home and not having any sex partner.”
Come to think of it, though it does plague spring and summer in general, hay fever is more likely to flare up when you go outside, but that’s public indecency so you’ll have to keep your naughty side in check in that regard. Still, if you get can get some and get rid of the sniffles in one go, have at it!
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