The first date is a talent that does not come naturally to many…
This fact is likely to become painfully clear to anybody who has ever watched First Dates.
We here at JOE HQ have cultivated our casanova status… ahem, so we feel qualified to share these 10 handy pieces of advice on how to avoid catastrophe on your next first date.
1. Don’t show up drunk
We’ll start with something relatively straightforward. While you may be more fun when you’re hammered, the chances are you’ll be less able to hold a conversation, walk a straight line or get to the bathroom before soaking your new slacks.
Better to wait until the date has begun before you get into the beers.
2. Do not turn your date into a Snapchat story
No matter how well it’s going, no matter how hot your date is, suppress all urges to report back to Snapchat.
It’s probably best to avoid checking your phone at all times, but Snapchat is the very worst, especially if you end up sending a snap about your ‘boring date’ to the person you’ve taken out for the evening.
3. Don’t order spaghetti
Think about it. Do you really trust yourself to get all of that dripping spaghetti in your mouth, rather than all over your front?
If you do, then you’re a braver man than us.
4. Don’t go somewhere you’ve never been before
The reasons behind this suggestion are twofold.
First, it is possible that wherever you end up going is awful.
Second, you might over-estimate your own ability to read Google Maps and end up getting you and your date lost before your date even really starts.
5. Don’t bring your mates
Everybody likes to have support, but you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere.
Wise up.
You’re also taking the very real risk that your date will end up fancying one of your friends far more than they ever liked you.
6. Don’t drink a blue Slushee
It’s not as if we are unsympathetic towards people who make this mistake. Slushees are delicious, and the radioactive appearance of the blue Slushee makes it much more exciting than the red one.
However, blue Slushees invariably stain your tongue in a way that is, quite frankly, impossible to ignore. Nobody is going to kiss you if they’re afraid of leaving the encounter looking like a Smurf.
7. Don’t insist on paying
If you offer to pay once and your date lets you, nice one, that’s a nice thing to do. If you offer to pay, and they say no – then split the bill, otherwise you are quite frankly being a dick.
It’s better to let everybody do whatever they’re comfortable with, and it’s not worth risking an awkward low-key row in front the waiter.
8. Don’t watch the match over their shoulder
Believe it or not, someone can tell when you’re watching football instead of listening to them – so if the match is playing on a big screen over their shoulder, you should probably ask to switch seats.
Either that or just avoid going anywhere that might be playing sports of any kind.
9. Most importantly: Don’t talk about your ex loads.
No matter how much you think nobody will ever compare to your magical ex, somebody who has agreed to date you is literally the last person that you should tell.
The only way you’re ever going to move on is by giving somebody new a chance, so don’t be a Ross Gellar about it.
Had a disaster of a First Date recently? Send us a message on Facebook and we’ll laugh at your expense for a while before giving you some sage advice on what to do next time.
