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17th Oct 2016

19 lessons you learn as a southerner when you move up North

You've been paying too much for booze all your life.

Alex Finnis

1. You’ve been paying far too much for booze all your life.

South

Photo: Twitter

It’s a revelation when you move up North and realise you can get a pint for less than half of what you’d pay for it in London.

 

2. Your accent is really, really boring.

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Photo: E4

That doesn’t mean you should copy your new northern mates’ ones though, because you’ll probably butcher it.

 

3. If someone calls you “love”, they’re not being creepy, they’re just being friendly.

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Photo: Giphy

 

4. Equally, if someone calls you “duck”, they don’t think you literally have feathers.

duck

Photo: Wikipedia

 

5. Yorkshire Puddings aren’t just something you have with your Sunday roast, they can also be a starter or an actual pudding.

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Photo: Twitter: @cobsthegreat

There’s never a bad moment for a whopping great Yorkshire.

 

6. When people told you about it being like five degrees colder up there, they weren’t lying.

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Photo: Deedle-Dee Productions

 

7. But you should never take a jacket on a night out.

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Photo: MTV

That pound you’d have spent on the cloakroom is an extra half a pint.

 

8. Your regular English dictionary isn’t good enough any more.

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Photo: YouTube

You have to learn words like “mardy” and “canny” – it depends where you are, there’s a ton of different slang which is exclusive to different areas of the North.

 

9. There are far too many names for a bread roll, and people have very strong opinions about which is right.

breads

Photo: recipeshubs.com

If in doubt, just stick with roll tbh.

 

10. Rivalries exist on a whole other level to what you’ve previously known.

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Photo: Twitter: @LouisaScaife

When we tell you Yorkshire and Lancashire hate each other, we mean they really, really hate each other. And that’s before you even get to the big northern football rivalries.

 

11. Everyone thinks you’re “soft” – they’re probably right.

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Photo: Twitter

As a good example, here’s an Essex Weather Twitter account getting schooled about what “heavy snow” actually means.

 

12. You will get called posh. It doesn’t matter if you’re not actually posh, you’ll still get called posh.

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Photo: BBC

To a northerner, anyone from the South is a posh bastard.

 

13. The north begins somewhere above Stoke-on-Trent and below Sheffield, not below Birmingham or, even worse, at the Watford Gap.

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Photo: mapsofworld.com

DO NOT GET THIS WRONG.

 

14. Everyone feels the need to tell you when they’re not being funny.

cole

Photo: Getty

It’s good to be clear.

 

15. If someone offers you a “tab”, they’re not talking about acid.

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Photo: Weiner Bros.

It’s the word they use for a fag up in Newcastle.

 

16. There’s a whole world of amazing high street shops you’ve never experienced before.

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Photo: geograph.org

 

17. If someone you’ve never met before in your life starts chatting to you, they’re not trying to murder you.

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They’re just being friendly – yep, that’s a thing up North.

 

18. The thing about everyone wearing a flat cap, owning a whippet and taking their ferrets for walks? Those are mostly stereotypes. Mostly.

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Photo: Twitter: @Cat_Headley

 

19. Everything is better with gravy.

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Photo: Twitter: @Scottish1977

Literally everything in the world.