You’ve definitely used one of these.
Secondary school is a weird time for a lot of people. You are taught a lot of valuable lessons, some that will stick with you until the end of time. Some things you are taught, well… Not so much.
One invaluable skill you pick up is the uncanny ability to weasel your way out of anything thanks to all the time you spent pretending you’d done your homework. Here are a few classic techniques.
1) “I left it at home”
The most frequently used one, and the most reliable of them all. This one is as simple as it looks, and it will probably get you out of the situation your teenage laziness has got you into. The only problem is that you probably didn’t leave it at home, and that teacher is going to expect to see that work done tomorrow.
Often, the way to get the most out of this excuse is to go into unnecessary detail. “I left it on my table in my room, just beside the lamp. I was doing it at 7.34 p.m last night.” Because that doesn’t sound suspicious at all.
2) The bag check
We’ve all seen this one done, but it is very rarely executed to the perfection that is required to pull it off. If you’re not familiar, the bag check is the act of frantically rooting through your bag, searching for your homework that you know isn’t there. When done right, it’s beautiful.
You have to get to a level where you genuinely believe that the homework is in the bag, even though you know damn well you haven’t done it. But when done wrong, it’s a car-crash.
3) “It’s in my locker”
The risky option. This is one for the gambler. It can go one of two ways. Depending on the teacher, you could be met with “Well you’re not going to your locker now. Show it to me tomorrow.” in which case you have survived. But there is always that chance that your teacher will say “Okay, well go get it then.” If you’re feeling lucky, this is the one for you.
4) “I did the wrong stuff”
This is a personal favourite of ours, but it’s not easy. You really have to know your audience for this one. But with the right teacher, and the right audience, this is foolproof. Let’s say you didn’t do your maths homework, just take out any bit of maths that you have done during your time in secondary school. If you think your teacher will only glance at it, then you’re safe to go for it. If your teacher thoroughly inspects your work, this isn’t for you.
5) “It’s my birthday”
This may have worked when you were six years old, but if this worked for you in secondary school, you should probably start to question the caliber of your school. Despite how ridiculous it seems, it is a surprisingly common shot at an excuse. Maybe this should be forgiven purely because of the audacity of the attempt.
6) “You didn’t give us any homework!”
This one requires teamwork. Lots of it. I’m talking Leicester City winning the premier league levels of teamwork. You need to get all of your class in on the act, and convince the teacher that they never mentioned homework. After all, who is the teacher to argue with 25 teenagers? This is one for the history books if it does work, and your class deserve some sort of award.
7) “I didn’t understand it”
Another classic. This one is impossible to disprove. And realistically, it’s probably true. With this one you have to play the victim. Almost to the point that you’re shifting the blame on to the teacher for not explaining properly. Be careful though, because this could all crumble with six words: “Show me where you attempted it.”
8) “Eh, Miss? Will you through this with me?”
Another one that requires a tremendous amount of skill. This involves you going into class and planning to stall for a total of 40 minutes, by any means necessary. You could ask the teacher to cover a different chapter with you, ask them about what they did in college, or even just ask them how their day has went. It doesn’t matter how you do it, all that matters is that you get it done. When done properly it is a sight to behold.
9) “I didn’t have time. Sorry. I’ll do it tonight.”
Although it is definitely the least fun option out of all of these, it is the most recommended. And is probably the one that will cause the least amount of trouble. Or, failing that, you could always just do your homework in the first place.
