Space: The final frontier. The great beyond. The cause of endless questions about humanity’s destiny.
And now, the potential setting for a new Pornhub film.
Ever since we first catapulted that poor mutt Laika and a sh*t-load of monkeys into orbit back in the mid-20th century, humans have wanted to know if they could do it in space – and for good reason.
Because what would be the point of space if there wasn’t somewhere to turn on the thrusters?
It’d just be a never-ending bed-less boudoir, a black hole with no suction, and a whole host of other weak space-sex puns we can muster. Uranus!
NASA recordings of the 1969 Apollo 11 flight to the moon revealed that the first question to Neil Armstrong from mission control was “Neil, on a scale of one to ten, what are our chances of f**king up there?”.
And, while the line “Houston, we have a problem” has since taken on other meanings, it was in fact a response to the depressing discovery that there’s nowhere within 30 million miles of Earth suitable for the physical act of love.
Even the Curiosity rover’s main objective is to find a location for the elusive ‘Goldilocks bone’, in the faint hope we can get down and dusty on the surface of Mars.
It’s for these reasons that it’s not at all a ridiculous idea that Pornhub are looking to crowd-fund $3.4m to make ‘the first sex tape in space’.
“The vast majority, 60%, of our costs will be absorbed by what goes in to making the flight happen,” say Pornhub.
“This includes training and space suits for our crew as well as general space travel. 21% of the funds needed is mostly related to the actual production of the film for things like specially adapted gear as well as the overall general costs affiliated with the creation of a high quality sex tape.”
At the time of writing, they’ve managed to raise nearly $5,000 from over 200 people for what should be the perfect sequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Let’s just hope sextronaut Johnny Sins doesn’t disintegrate on entry…
