“Sir, I’m afraid we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”
The words no one wants to hear, but inevitably do at some point in our lives. So how did it happen to you? How did you become the type of person that gets thrown out of establishments?
It happened to me on a night out at university. I walked into the toilets of the now defunct Oceana Leeds and saw a bunch of lads punching the condom machine. Curious, I went in for a closer look. Every time they hit it, a condom came out. Now I’m not the laddiest of lads, but that night I must have had something to prove. Or I really wanted a free condom (I doubt it was a matter of necessity).
“Right then,” I said. “Stand back everyone – watch this.” I went to give the machine a smack of my own, but before my fist could even make contact with the metal, the bouncer caught me by the arm and promptly chucked me out. Truly pathetic. As my boss noted when I told him this story, “You didn’t tell me you were in The Inbetweeners.”
The scene of the crime. Photo: Mtaylor848
Or there’s this story from James Parker, Lead Social Creative at JOE.co.uk (@panoparker).
“I was at this house party in Essex, having a good time, drinking a little bit. Things kind of got out of hand and the police turned up at this house party, so we all bailed. We were hopping over fences to get away from police – we could hear the sirens coming down the street and we were not in the right state of mind to be there when the police arrived.
“We carried on hopping over the gardens, but my friends stopped as I was climbing to the top of the next gate. I fell over the side of it, and it turns out that it was a local garden centre. There was a fish pond underneath me and I landed in it. It was lovely, had loads of koi, but I accidentally sat on one and killed it. I killed a koi carp with my own behind.
“I was immediately caught by security as the alarms went off – I had to actually face the police that evening for trespassing. I was let off because the policeman could not take it seriously, which was hilarious. I got fined £80, which is probably the best I could have gotten out of that situation, and I also had my picture taken at the garden centre. To this day, if you go to Poplar Nurseries there is a picture of my face saying, ‘Do not let this man in’.”
RIP. Photo: Pixabay
So what’s the stupidest situation you’ve gotten into that ended with someone chucking you out onto the street? Nothing dangerous or very illegal, please. You can save those stories for your best-sellling memoir: “My Life and Other Mistakes”.
Give us a comment on Facebook and if you’ve got a good story, we’ll include it in a follow-up article. If you don’t have a good story, then you need to live a little. Or you’re making good decisions with your life. It’s hard to say which.
Feature: @sadradlesbo / NBC
