What would you do if you knew your days were numbered?
It’s hard to imagine the feelings that accompany a terminal illness. Fear, anger and angst would be on top of the list of expectations, but not for Sonia Elaine Todd.
Sonia, 38, found herself in the heart-breaking situation of having to accept death. But in place of fear and anxiety, Sonia displayed a remarkable amount of strength and self-reflection. The mother took the opportunity to reflect on her year by writing her own obituary.
In it, Sonia says she hates regular obituaries and finds they are inauthentic.
“My name is Sonia Todd, and I died of cancer at the age of 38. I decided to write my own obituary because they are usually written in a couple of different ways that I just don’t care for. Either, family or friends gather together, and list every minor accomplishment from cradle to grave in a timeline format, or they try and create one poetic last stanza about someone’s life that is so glowing one would think the deceased had been the living embodiment of a deity,” she writes.
She is modest in her reflections.
“I don’t like the timeline format because, let’s face it, I never really accomplished anything of note. Other than giving birth to my two wonderful, lovable, witty and amazing sons (James and Jason), marrying my gracious, understanding and precious husband (Brian), and accepting the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior – I have done very little. None of which requires obit space that I have to shell out money for.”
Sonia writes that her only regrets are causing upset to others.
“The truth, or my version of it, is this: I just tried to do the best I could. Sometimes I succeeded, most of the time I failed, but I tried. For all of my crazy comments, jokes and complaints, I really did love people. The only thing that separates me from anyone else is the type of sin each of us participated in. I didn’t always do the right thing or say the right thing and when you come to the end of your life those are the things you really regret, the small simple things that hurt other people.”
Sonia’s humour shines through the obituary.
“My life was not perfect and I encountered many, many bumps in the road. I would totally scrap the years of my life from age 16 to 20 … OK, maybe 14 to 22. I think that would eradicate most of my fashion disasters and hair missteps from the ’80s.”
But each verse is accompanied by a lesson.
“But mostly, I enjoyed life. Some parts of it were harder than others, but I learned something from every bad situation and I couldn’t do any more than that.”
And more inspirationally, Sonia actually sees some positive, and pokes fun at the upcoming election.
“Besides there are some benefits to dying youngish, for example, I still owe on my student loans and the jokes on them cuz I’m not paying them. Plus, I am no longer afraid of serial killers, telemarketers or the IRS. I don’t have to worry about wrinkles or the ozone layer and/or hide from the news during election season.”
Sonia closes her obituary by thanking all those who loved her.
“Some folks told me that writing my own obituary was morbid, but I think it is great because I get a chance to say thank you to all the people who helped me along the way. Those who loved me, assisted me, cared for me, laughed with me and taught me things so that I could have a wonderful, happy life. I was blessed beyond measure by knowing all of you. That is what made my life worthwhile.”
It’s undoubtedly a heart-breaking situation but Sonia’s final words have hopefully brought some solace to her family.
