*clears throat*
Here it is.
The sort of quick-witted wicked twisted hiss that might just get him pissed lickity-split if he decided to get up off his “white ass” quickity-quick.
It’s a comedian called Chris D’Elia who’s fishing for fish, impersonating Em like he’s wishing a wish. Turning a miss into a swish and making a list of all Eminem’s shit and spitting an impression so sick, especially the special emphasis on the s’s and his essence like he’s talking with a lisp.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnKE6G8lgY4/?taken-by=chrisdelia
The video went viral like Tidal, the Stans suicidal, meanwhile Em is out filing his nails by a sundial, no crocodiles within a square mile like they got turned back at the turnstile, sinking his teeth into the video killing his style, a beguiling profile of a Kamikaze rapper on trial since Eight Mile.
So this is what he does: it’s simple. Something innocuous to knock things off, “I’m reading a kindle”, all the time rhyming back to the original rhyme the first time on the spot like he’s popping a pimple.
Then he stacks the rhymes up in a bid to appear lyrical, like your pitiful aboriginal principal finding out his student is a criminal on the same day he failed his physical, whistling a tune whilst he wets his whistle to forget he’s worked at the middle school since ’82.
Unforgivable. But it doesn’t have to make sense, fool.
It’s that internal syllable he uses and chooses to abuse like Tom Cruise on a booze cruise with the blues after some bad news.
A mad muse with tattoos frowning like a sad moose with no hooves.
Still.
He hits back at the haters. Navigating his way through the hate like a great skater skating like a freight train across the pavement like it’s a hot plate, having lost weight for a hot date with an old classmate from eighth grade.
In fairness he shows such self-awareness it’s scary, for all you armchair fairies waging war against Slim Shady.
Maybe don’t call Carly Rae, call Eminem and Hailee. Tell them you’re sorry, sincerest apologies, and you’ll forget the beef like Dre forgot his degree when he graduated from Neptune med school in late June.
Then listen to “Fall” think about how you could be so ungrateful.
