Nope, you did not misread the title.
Ikea probably receive their fair share of complaints from dissatisfied customers, but it’s unlikely that they receive too many like this one.
Claus Jørstad, of Alta in northern Norway, directed a bizarre Facebook rant at his Scandinavian neighbour’s most famous company, after he got one of his testicles stuck in the top of a newly purchased stool.
Claus had a bad knee injury which was preventing him from comfortably standing up in the shower. For that reason, purchasing Ikea’s Marius stool seemed like a pretty inspired idea.
But he clearly didn’t plan for all possible eventualities.
When poor old Claus sat down for his shower, the hot water caused his delicates – or as he quite excellently calls them, his ‘skipper and two sailors – to expand. The stool had a number of small holes on the top and the sailors dangled themselves into some serious trouble.
This the culprit.
As The Local report, the unfortunate Norwegian only became aware of the situation when he stood up. Yanking his equipment free was never going to be an option, so he had to wait for the water to turn cold and the inevitable shrivelling to ensue.
The 45-year-old told The Daily Mail that when the temperature became freezing he genuinely considered risking electrocution by attempting to warm up with a hairdryer.
Luckily, he was freed by nature before that had to happen, or this could have been a very different story.
Claus documented the entire episode in a hilarious Facebook post addressed to Ikea. Read the entire thing in all of its translated glory. We reckon the broken English improves the tale. You’ll probably get a bit lost at times, but the general gist is pretty clear.
“Hey there! My old lady left me on the whole ræk søkksvære dokkers store, which was about as big as kjæften to neighbor when he stood to kjæfta on bag in the storm. Nåvæl, having traska on my bunion and worn out ullsokkan, so ended up making me to acquire the army lækkerbissken so h could rest while this y shower. Æ Testa it first in the store, with clothes on. Kjærringa meant æ may it beautiful dolls. Ho thought forøvrigen eskaperiet va that kind of thing to put on, the blomsterpåtta tøvsjura, but æ pointed nu on etikkætten who said “stool”. then won the æ krangeln, for once. Væl Jæmme placed æ møbelemanget in the shower, and skritta in. Without clothes the army time. Y put my butt on the chair calm down, and sat dær while æ soap in my body. Including Popeye and his two båtsmenn. Like dolls lovely e popeye captain dær downstairs, and the two båtsmenn means nøttern that swing, but since dolls e svænsk and æ know dolls in Sweden not e so flippin ‘ happy in direct beskrivelsa of body forfruktningsapparat, so call to make them for skipper and båtsmenn . So, when it gets the soap on the deck, and captain with crew e as fortumla of skumføyken, yes then start them to slide like drunken sailors! (haha so dolls ka æ do nu, huh? Haha. Æ used a description of the sailors on the sailors!) Anyway, like I said VA it as smoothly as the dækk hårsleiken to neighbor when he was playing himself with trøkke brylcreem hair youth in his prime. Yes, sælfølgeli va it prime, for brylkræmen had high gloss. When did this happen kivinokka. One Bosun slipped ubemærka avgåre, and saw her chance to slip down into one hollet on the stool (see picture). That Army mærka æ not first, you know såm to use things to expand skyping in the heat. And when a batsman gets kokvarm, yes he’ll åsså to stretch æsktra much. It army mærka æ æ shouldn’t before trip me up, and that the stool mærka got stuck on my butt and dingla dær and æ felt a blissful smærte struck like lightning down in me. This freaking kommelpongen of a bosun was stuck in hollet! Y couldn’t touch me, and didn’t have time æ mobilteflon who was on the sink. And couldn’t yell for æ kjærringa, for she had well gory, check that æ had amorous tanka if æ called ho from the shower. So dær sat æ. And Sat. And spikkulerte and tænkte and fundamenterte. Couldn’t make to push up, and batsman not cobbler up in here about æ managed to trække he loose. So er sat there a little longer. Spikkulerte Having spikkulert for a while, it hit me that the er couldn’t think of anyone goe idea. And would not destroy the stool æ either, because then you’d only kjærringa won discussion allikavæl and said it should’ve been blomsterpåtteholder. Æ dær sat so long that the water heater finally took over, and as you know, you know when the water heater takes over, it gets cold. Terrible cold. It was colder than the smile of my mother-in-law when æ poison me with her daughter. Since æ bynte to freeze, so at least that tænkte æ æ should at least try to keep warm while æ spikkulerte and thought, ah tried forsiiiiiiktig to strække me after hårfønern… and you vannvittige søkksvarte, guess ka! The cold had actually gotten it dærre bloated boatswain to krømpe again, with a fizz so va æ free man again! (at least off the chair, if not from the woman and mother-in-law). So, now have to make a question for dummies: Does hærran the stool in yellow colour?”
It didn’t take long for Ikea to respond to the post, which has now been liked over 30,000 times. They decided to go along with his sailing analogy, writing: “Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower… or that you sit on it with the right uniform on and in the right setting.
“If you choose to keep it in the shower, make sure you are well dressed for your next sea excursion.”
Claus received hundreds of comments advising him on how to approach the situation next time he had a shower. The picture he uploaded in response suggested he’s learned his lesson.
Wise move.
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