After flying 1000km from Paris to Barcelona, Laurent Blanc suddenly realises he’s left the oven on. For f**k’s sake, he didn’t even want to come to this stupid second leg; everyone knows it’ll be a routine 2-0 win for Barca…
“AAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!”
“Keep them closed, keep them closed, keep them closed. Oh balls, there goes Neymar. 1-0. Look at him grinning, the soft prick. If it wasn’t for him crying about his *bruised* back we wouldn’t have lost 7-1 to Germany!”
Luis Enrique and Javier Mascherano are arguing about whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable again. “It has seeds, man. For Christ’s sake!” pleads Enrique. “Aye, but so does a pumpkin. So HA!”
“What the hell are we supposed to be pointing at?” wonders Andy Murray. “Sod it, just play along, he did get you the tickets after all…”
“I wonder if the house has burned to the ground yet. It’ll be a shame if Fabien died, I really loved that dog.”
With Barcelona holding a 5-1 aggregate lead and on their way to a third win against PSG this season, it all gets a bit much for Marco Verratti. “See no evil, hear no evil,” he cries. “See no evil, hear no evil.”
