Ashley Williams, what are you doing? – Sincerely, everyone
Like a bad smell or like that dude at a house party nobody knows who is still stomping around the kitchen at 4am, Ashley Williams has very much overstayed his welcome. He should not, currently, be playing pub football, let alone professional football, in the Premier League, for Everton, as their captain. Jesus.
Today marked another remarkable display in a long line of remarkable displays, never in the good sense, that Williams has produced for the Toffees since joining the club for £12 million at the beginning of last season.
Since then, Williams has somehow managed to disintegrate completely as not just a competent footballer, but a seemingly normal human being, as though the Monstars from Space Jam have extracted his admittedly limited amount of talent and then just turned him into a bit of a nutcase as well, for good measure.
In the loss to Burnley earlier today the central defender had one of his better games in an Everton shirt, only losing his man off a corner for the winning goal and then elbowing someone in the face shortly afterwards to get sent off, knowing full well his eventual three-match ban will see the team in good stead for upcoming fixtures.
Earlier this season, again whilst sporting the armband for one of the most historic clubs in England, Williams managed to spark a mass brawl seemingly out of nothing during a Europa League match against Lyon, which involved a fan carrying his own child throwing punches from the stands.
Now, perhaps we could forgive the Welsh international – oh, yeah, he’s captain of the national side too – if his performances on the field made up for his occasional propensity to chin people for no reason. As Everton fans will tell you, no, they do not make up for it.
As a centre-back, Williams now utilises the late-career Titus Bramble school of defending, i.e. don’t get tight to anyone, back off and keep backing off, change your mind and dive in late, give away needless fouls, do not play any semblance of a defensive line, and finally, be frightened of everything. Headers, tackles, ghosts, VAR, the offside rule, the ball, your own two feet, I mean everything. Then pretend to be angry after you inevitably concede. Flail your arms about a bit. Pretend like you care.
Understandably, Evertonians have seen enough of the Wolverhampton-born defender and took comfort in the fact that they don’t have to watch him for a few weeks at least. If it makes you feel any better, I found out his middle name is Errol. So there’s that. And if it makes you feel even better, I doubt he’s in the league next season.
Is that the Chinese Super League I hear calling? Errol? Hello? You there mate? Got your bags packed?
Can we appeal Ashley Williams’ 3 game ban and get it extended till the end of the season?
— TheEvertonForum.com – Register now (@TheEFCForum) March 3, 2018
3 game ban for Ashley Williams pic.twitter.com/t7meGjYu0E
— 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗲 𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲𝘀 (@EvertonNewsFeed) March 3, 2018
There is Liverpool fans that wanted us to sign both Keane and Ashley Williams not that they will admit it now, both of them make Lovren look prime Franco Baresi
— John O Sullivan (@Corballyred) March 3, 2018
https://twitter.com/SibsMUFC/status/969939007013621762
Bizarre seeing Ashley Williams with a bit of passion to win a header
— Andy Castell (@AJ3) March 3, 2018
