Abdoulaye Doucoure, with his arms extended and eyes closed, was on his knees and speechless. Alongside him, turfed and sheepishly pulling up his socks, was defender Sebastian Prodl. Adrian Mariappa, too, found himself bowed in the presence of greatness.
Will Hughes and Etienne Capoue did not suffer the ignominy of being sat down in the sequence that saw Mohamed Salah seal his first hat-trick for Liverpool, but they were not exempt from being humiliated during the Egyptian’s blizzard of goals.
The helplessness swaddled Orestis Karnezis between Watford’s sticks and shadowed manager Javier Gracia from the technical area to the post-match briefing at a snow-capped Anfield.
The collective ‘how the hell were we meant to stop him?’ from the visitors was met with ‘how the hell are we meant to do him justice?’ by the appreciative audience.
Opposition players resorted to expletives as Storm Salah cycloned through them, two young boys in the Main Stand stood silent with dilated pupils and wide mouths, while Steven Gerrard admitted it was “difficult to find the words” to describe the forward’s mastery: the superlative cup has runneth dry.
Liverpool struck five against Watford, each unanswered goal containing the imprint of the Premier League’s top scorer – and there will be decreasing arguments – the division’s best player this season with the distinguished Kevin De Bruyne in touching distance.
Salah’s left-to-right shimmy for the first humbled Miguel Britos and showcased his expertise in marrying skill with strength.
The second offered evidence of his anticipation, timing and intelligence as he side-footed in Andy Robertson’s cross.
After the interval, the phenom was at it again, blitzing Britos down the right, carrying the ball up to the byline before touching it inside and whipping a low cross to the near post for Roberto Firmino to apply an audacious back-flick.
If Watford had taken slight respite that it wasn’t their tormentor-in-chief as the scorer of Liverpool’s third, that fast vanished along with any designs on containment.
Sadio Mane dribbled into the area and slipped in Salah, who in the most improbable situation with seven markers and Karnezis transfixed on his every move, still managed to treat himself to a treble.
With a drop of his shoulder he stifled Prodl and Doucoure, before poking into the bottom left despite being off-balance.
What a guy https://t.co/O4kw55xL8K
— JOE (@JOE_co_uk) March 17, 2018
Even when the 25-year-old engineered a fine opening for Danny Ings eight minutes later, and seemed to have no interest on inflicting further punishment himself, he was still the finisher; reacting swiftly to sweep in a rebound.
Following which his team-mates too seemed out of words: Virgil van Dijk laughed and ruffled Salah’s hair, Mane hugged and high-fived him as the rest of the embraces flooded in.
“If the question is what do I think about his performance, I think it’s quite exceptional,” Klopp said afterwards. “It was another good performance in a very difficult game in a very impressive manner, coping and dealing with difficult conditions tonight.
“The whole team did, of course, but around the first goal I would say Mo especially because it was obviously slippery, so everybody suffered – but not Mo in that situation. It was really special scoring that goal.
“The second goal, a fantastic pass from Sadio to Robbo, a fantastic cross and great sprint. Third goal, fantastic situation, Mo and then Roberto. Fourth and fifth goals were outstanding, so that’s all you need to be on the highest level.”
It is the middle of March, and Salah on 36 goals, has already surpassed the top hauls of Fernando Torres (33) and Luis Suarez (31) at Liverpool. His next effort will move the attacker beyond Robbie Fowler’s best return too, and perhaps the most remarkable element of his record-breaking debut campaign has been the regularity of his brilliance.
Salah is only the ninth different player to score in 20 different Premier League matches in the same season – the last being Robin van Persie for Manchester United in 2012-13.
He is, to borrow Klopp’s label, “greedy for goals” and is magnificently manoeuvring his way towards Ian Rush’s 31-year milestone of being the last Anfield man to hit 40 goals in a campaign.
Maybe the Watford players were on to something – maybe the most accurate way to summarise Salah’s exploits is with a simple yet effective ‘fucking hell!’
