His adidas X 17+ Purespeeds now sit pride of place amongst the Ancient Egyptian exhibit.
Why? Why are the British Museum doing this? Let me explain.
Young people you see, young people like Mo Salah. Everyone likes Mo Salah really, but especially young people, who have watched him and his fluffy curly hair and his Cheshire cat grin take over the Premier League. He’s scored 32 goals in 38 games this season, video game numbers for the video game generation: performing the merry dance of R2 button down, dummy shot cut inside, R1 + O finesse, top corner, opponent leaves the game, ad infinitum.
The British Museum have added some football boots to their Egyptian exhibit because they, just like you, and just like your dad and your dad’s suddenly tight jeans, they are just trying to be relevant. Sphinxes and little copper statues of Anubis just don’t do it anymore, you see. They just don’t bring in the crowds.
Nobody wants a selfie in front of the sun god Ra, nobody wants a Pharaoh mask Snapchat filter, nobody wants to stroke the cool metal of the Khopesh, the ancient battle-axe, and imagine themselves in the light infantry ranks of the militia at the banks of the Nile, flowing red with blood.
I do, obviously, but nobody else does. Nobody else cares. So here are some football boots you can also see in your nearest Sports Direct.
We’ve made an exciting new acquisition! To celebrate Egyptian footballing star @MoSalah being top scorer in the Premier League this season, we’ll be displaying his boots alongside objects from ancient Egypt in the run up to the Champions League final ⚽️🏆 pic.twitter.com/DBZDW5Q6kD
— British Museum (@britishmuseum) May 17, 2018
The British Museum have responded, and they have said this. Look. We really do care that you don’t want to come to our museums, and as such, we are prepared to not make it a museum really and just throw anything vaguely appealing in there so you can come through our doors and spend your money in the gift shop and buy a slightly interesting pencil, maybe a rubber, the ultimate pencil accessory, and forget about absolutely everything you saw by the time you get home.
Mo Salah deserves to be in a museum, he deserves his own museum, really. But until then, this will have to do, won’t it? This will just have to do. If you are currently queueing up to see Mo Salah’s boots, the miraculous artefacts that they are, just please, please, do promise me you read – in full – and memorise the extensive timeline and history of papyrus.
It was really important, you know. That’s what we wrote words on before computers, you know. Papyrus can’t score 32 goals in a Premier League can it, but it might just be Egypt’s second greatest invention, ever, behind Mohamed Salah Ghaly, king of kings.
Look upon his boots ye mighty and despair.
Buy a pencil. If it doesn’t come topped with a rubber, buy one of those too.
https://twitter.com/comradesipho/status/997076769793593344
