How to dispose of a club legend and make it seem like you had nothing to do with it?
That is the Hitchcockian dilemma that has trumped Alex Ferguson, David Moyes and Louis van Gaal.
All toyed with the idea of cutting their losses with Rooney, at one stage, and starting afresh.
Rooney was rumoured to have told Moyes he wanted shot of United. Chelsea were reported to have bid £25m and then £30m, but the Scot was keen to keep it as stable as possible so Rooney was given an improved contract.
Moyes blinked and never stopped blinking until he got the boot before the end of his one and only season.
Louis van Gaal arrived with a reputation for taking no flak from his players and running a tight ship. Ryan Giggs was told to pack in the playing and Luke Shaw was told to lose some weight – but Rooney was made captain.
The striker rewarded the Dutchman with two seasons of football that was below his best, while letting it be known that he saw himself taking up residence in the United midfield.
Van Gaal lasted two of his three intended seasons and Jose Mourinho arrived. Now, here was a man that took no sh*t.
He confidently told the press that Rooney was a striker and that was it. “Never a 6. Never a 4,” he dismissively declared.
Rooney started up front against Bournemouth on the first day of the Premier League season and scored a goal. Zlatan Ibrahimovic did too. Mourinho took him off near the end and we had that wonderful back-slapping moment.
But this morning, several media outlets are reporting that Mourinho has told he can go elsewhere if he wants a regular starting spot. Some are going so far as to claim Rooney could leave in January.
It suddenly gives this picture a sinister edge.
Sticking a player a few weeks off 31 up front with a 35-year-old was never going to have legs over the course of the season.
I spoke to a United fan in the hours after that 3-1 win over Bournemouth and suggested Mourinho would be doing well to make that partnership stick. He observed, “Mourinho is giving Rooney enough rope so he can hang himself. He’ll play him for a couple of months and let Rooney do all the damage himself. Wait until October.”
That prescient, altogether cynical, United supporter was wrong on one point. We did not have to wait until October – Rooney was dropped by September 24, when champions Leicester City came to Old Trafford and were shredded 4-1 by a vibrant United.
Gareth Southgate has now followed Mourinho’s lead and Rooney’s supporters in the press, and the pool of recently retired footballers, have quietened their bark.
Mourinho told the Emperor to go for a stroll and all the flaws are there to see.
It is going to be a cold winter.
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