Kit launches: The good, the bad and the really weird…

Football clubs around the country are busy stocking up on new kits. But how are they marketing their new garb?

We look at a number of kit launches to work out the underlying message they’re trying to convey…

Arsenal

The clear indication here is that Alexis Sánchez, Jack Wilshere and Santi Cazorla are akin to Marvel superheroes. Their new kits have obviously given them special super powers to conduct electricity and win internet polls…

Aston Villa

Uh-oh. There’s all sorts going on here – all bad. Scott Sinclair is fingering Fabian Delph as a charlatan, Gabriel Agbonlahor is telling him to keep schtum, Jack Grealish is torn about his international future, Christian Benteke is praying for a move to Liverpool, and Ciaran Clark is staring into your soul…

Chelsea

Diego Costa is saying: “Do you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang? Do you wanna be in my gang, oh yeah? Do you wanna be in my gang, my gang, my gang? Do you wanna be in my gang?” We’re saying no thanks.

Liverpool

Well this is a grim scene. Various Liverpool players have been ordered to visit the local STI clinic. More than one of them is looking a tad sheepish. But as the waiting room sign is stressing to them – it’s best to come clean now…

Manchester City

This is Eliaquim, Bacary and Gael. As you can see from the desperation in their eyes, these poor souls are Squad Players in Need. Please raise awareness. Every time a rich Sheikh clicks his fingers, City sign another replacement…

Southampton

Any parent will know this look. You leave them alone for one minutes, and the next thing you know they’ve made an almighty state of your brand new three-piece suite. Still, you stay mad at them for long, the little buggers!

Swansea City

Swansea have clearly gone for the 90s boyband key change look here. If you don their white and gold uniform, you’re instantly transported back to 1998 and a 5ive music video – Slam Dunk (Da Funk) or some such ditty. It’s a welcome nod to pop’s razzmatazz heyday…

Tottenham Hotspur

This is an interesting tactic by Tottenham. They’ve clearly decided to promote their new kit as if it were some sort of energy drink. Hence an excitable Harry Kane and the call to STAY RELENTLESS. There’s a little ‘I WILL’ in the corner by way of confirmation…

West Bromwich Albion

The lads at WBA are livid here. They’ve travelled all the way to Bangkok for a #LADSONTOUR jolly, only to discover that their favourite massage parlour is closed for business. It means no happy ending for these boys. Typical…

Barcelona

Oof. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. Messers Iniesta, Pique, Neymar, Messi and Suarez have had the mother of all rows and no one’s in the mood to make nice. There’s a kit to promote but no one’s in the mood – not today…

Valencia

We can only assume the Si – or ‘Yes’ – was supposed to be some sort of emphatic statement of unbridled positivity. Instead it looks like three very fed up Spanish waiters have taken umbrage to you interrupting their chat. They’ll be goz in your paella come service…

Celtic

You’ve heard of Ocean’s Eleven, well this is Brown’s Five. The wily grifters are pictured carefully planning the heist of the century afternoon in their inconspicuous fluorescent outfits. The target? Alea Glasgow casino on Paisley Road…