Manchester United + Transfers = Generally Bad News
The above equation is so ubiquitous in modern football that it may as well be the sport’s version of E = mc².
When Manchester United sign footballers, the outcome is more often than not a disaster. Exceptions prove the rule, and most recently Bruno Fernandes has been that exception.
Behind the Portuguese maestro, though, sits a path littered with the ‘what ifs’, the ‘hows’ and the ‘what the fuck were they thinkings’ of close to a decade of poor recruitment.
In this light, the rumours linking United with Edinson Cavani and Luka Jovic could be viewed as simply the latest sign that the club continue to wander around reaching out into the dark, in the hope that a talented footballer will grab hold of their hand.
That’s not necessarily the case, though. And here’s why.
Edinson Cavani
Possessing a face that looks like it was painstakingly sculpted by Michaelangelo himself, Edinson Cavani is admittedly not getting any younger. Crucially, though, he is a free agent. And the fact that he remains one – rather than taking his talents to the US, China or the Middle East – suggests that he still believes he has something to give to a top team.
Back to Manchester United though – only joking, kinda – Cavani’s record speaks for itself in terms of what he would offer. First off, he has experience of top European football over an extended period of time. Say what you want about Ligue 1, but Cavani has scored goals in every competition he has competed in, from Serie A to the Champions League.
Given United’s relative youth up front, combined with the increased and tight schedule brought about by Champions League qualification and Covid-19, Cavani would represent a smart move. His wages will be high of course, but without a transfer fee United must only contend with a signing on fee.
Comparisons to the last South American veteran United signed – Radamel Falcao – will come, but in truth Cavani has never suffered from anything close to the injury issues the Colombian has throughout his career. And with Alex Telles (potentially) whipping in beautiful crosses on a continuous basis, Cavani could be prolific at Old Trafford, even in something of a super sub role.
Luka Jovic
The forgotten child prodigy of European football, it’s easy to forget that there was something of a clamour for the Serbian striker after his breakthrough season at Eintracht Frankfurt in 2018/19. The 22-year-old scored 27 goals in 48 games for the Bundesliga side, helping them to within a penalty shootout of the Europa League final in the process.
In pretty much every conceivable way, his first season at Real Madrid following a €60 million move did not go according to plan. He was blighted by injuries, limiting him to just 17 league appearances, in which he scored the whole sum of two goals.
After coronavirus fucked things up for everyone, Jovic found himself in the shit in April after breaking quarantine rules to visit his partner in Serbia. Entirely shitty behaviour, admittedly, but that is not to say that Jovic is by any means a lost cause, although his Madrid career does appear to be on its last legs.
Despite his issues over the last year and a bit, Jovic is still just 22 and – unless he experienced some sort of Space Jam scenario – still possesses the talents that attracted Madrid to sign him in the first place.
On his day and when fit, he’s technically brilliant, and capable of scoring from a variety of positions. Stick him up front with Bruno Fernandes sliding balls in left, right and centre, and United could have a goer.
At the very least, worth a punt for a season long loan.
