There are certain points in the timeline of a football club – particularly those on a downward trend – where you are forced to take a step back and ask yourself, ‘Are things maybe too ridiculous?’
Ridiculousness comes in a variety of forms. It can be your team’s manager claiming to be controlling the brain of one of his players, or a manager having a head of cabbage thrown at him.
It can be your manager speaking in riddles for no reason other than to simply amuse himself, or a manager saying this with every single bone in his earnest body: “If you’re asking me whether Harry the Hornet, who I presume is the mascot”.
On certain, truly dark occasions a club can even go fall so deep into the precipice that they degrade themselves by employing Alan Pardew.
The latest stories coming out of Old Trafford suggest that Manchester United – previously the most stable club in the world and now a walking, talking, revenue-generating soap opera masquerading as a football club – have gotten themselves into yet another ridiculous situation.
That situation reportedly involves the club’s players, who have responded quite poorly to being extensively criticised by club legends such as Paul “Doesn’t Say Much” Scholes and Roy “Says Everything” Keane, players who it is worth mentioning won literally everything there ever was to win in the game of association football.
The criticism has essentially revolved around the players’ performances since the departure of the glue that kept the house of cards together, Sir Alex Ferguson, and particularly the performances of star players such as Paul Pogba.
According to a variety of reports, the Manchester United players have responded to this criticism by doing something so weird that if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I imagined it: they are passing video clips of said legends making mistakes around to each other.
What is the exact purpose of this exercise? It’s hard to tell. The way this is being reported one would believe that by watching and sharing these videos the current crop of United players are somehow getting back at their predecessors; embarrassing them by having a private laugh at their own expense.
But that doesn’t make sense, because had it not been for this being leaked then the players would have been left giggling to themselves at getting one over people who would never find out. It’s akin to laughing devilishly at the brilliant comeback you’ve created in the shower for a situation that occurred hours before.
This isn’t some critique of the club’s players wasting their time sharing videos instead of training or any of that nonsense; the players clearly train and do all the things they are supposed to do, even if it doesn’t seem like it on the pitch.
Rather it’s more of an indictment on Manchester United itself. A club which, in its desperate quest to regain its footing atop the perch of English football, has forgotten how to play football, and instead competes in little more than stupid, hilarious drama.
