Transfers can be incredibly complicated – just ask Ed Woodward or Florentino Pérez.
They’re even trickier when you’re watching from the outside, but over the years deadline day has produced a pattern for how the biggest deals often transpire.
So, here are the 12 steps to every transfer that all football fans should be able to relate too – especially if you’re on Twitter…
1. Player follows a club on Twitter.
What does this mean?
2. Guillem Balague tells us exactly what will happen.
3. It’s definitely happening.
4. Suddenly the deal is off.
Balague has gone AWOL and United never wanted Hazard anyway.
5. Random player is installed as the new top target.
6. Who?
United fans are not happy.
7. He’s obviously a wonderkid.
8. The #ITKs grab their 15 minutes of fame.
Having appeared from virtually nowhere.
9. United fans are happy again.
10. Stats emerge.
11. More stats emerge.
Proper stats, shared by United fans everywhere.
12. Guillem Balague returns to tell us exactly what’s going to happen.
United fans are on top of the world having closed the deal of the window.
And everyone goes to bed thinking ‘well, that wasn’t worth staying up for’…
