With Man United seemingly on the verge of signing Lazio’s Felipe Anderson, we thought we’d fill you in Craig David-style on the Brazilian schemer…
Anderson is great chums with Barcelona’s Neymar. The pair were at Santos together in Brazil, where the Lazio man made his debut during his more esteemed compatriot’s 100th appearance. Such is their fraternal affection that Neymar refers to Anderson as his ‘little brother’.
Being little is sometimes easier said than done for the 22-year-old. When he first joined Lazio in 2013, Anderson put on a considerable amount of weight. This was genuinely attributed to the player’s poor grasp of Italian, which caused him to constantly order spaghetti carbonara.
Anderson can play in a number of positions and is famed for his lightning pace and beguiling skill. He is genuinely two-footed and boasts a fine shot from distance. Although used mainly on the left-wing by Lazio, he is also able to play down the middle or on the right.
On the down side, the Brazilian is what is often referred to as a ‘confidence player’. When on form, he is virtually unplayable and has all the natural attributes and raw talent to be a genuine world-beater. But he remains inconsistent and his head can drop when things aren’t going well.
Anderson’s family are all ‘Top Reds’ and he grew up a huge Man United fan, in much the same way that Robbie Keane always dreamed of playing for all of his various boyhood clubs. The Serie A star was even named after an Old Trafford legend – Class of ’93 graduate Philip Neville.
Despite his Brazilian roots, Anderson is massively into the modern bhangra scene. So much so that he uses his swarthy complexion and brooding almond-shaped eyes to sneak into Asian nights at discotheques under the guise of ‘Ravi’, a phone reconditioner with a weakness for desi chicks.
Anderson is one of the fastest players in the world. His top speed has been measured at a supersonic 35 km/h. To put that into context, it’s as fast as a melancholy cheetah. But don’t tell Arsenal fans that he’s faster than Héctor Bellerín or I swear to God they’ll f*cking cut you.
(Those last three may be untrue.)
