Day 9.
If I even so much as tried to summarise what happened on I’m A Celeb last night, you wouldn’t believe me. Between the strippers, cocaine, beastiality and dunny bucket antics, it was a hot mess which resulted in three of the remaining campmates being escorted out of the jungle by nuclear waste specialists wearing hazmat suits.
Truthfully, it was another standard episode. They were hungry, they did some tasks and moaned a lot. A hint of an argument broke out, which was swiftly put to bed after heartfelt apologies were exchanged.
There was a glimmer of humour at times, which I’ll now detail to save you from sitting through 47 minutes of reality television.
1. Dennis and Jamie completely fucked a fist bump
Look at the placement of those fists and try not to get sick, I dare you. What we’re seeing here is two grown men that have potentially never engaged in a fist bump before. Everyone knows that they end goal of a fist bump is to interlock both fists whereby the fingers naturally slot into the grooves of each other.
Some describe fist bumps as a deeply sensual act, and some are absolutely correct. What we’re seeing above is an extremely ‘no homo’ fist bump, whereby the men deliberately sabotage their efforts so as to appear very masculine. It’s a crying shame and one that is sure to hamper both of their careers going forward.
2. Dennis and Jamie completely fucked A SECOND FIST BUMP
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, WTF PAL? What we have here is two men that are refusing to learn from their mistakes. There’s no way on earth that their first fist bump could’ve felt in any way natural for either of them, so it was dodgy territory for Dennis to instigate a second one.
Perhaps he was trying to right their wrongs of the past. He’s hyper aware of the cameras and wants to come across as a likeable guy. Dennis Wise doesn’t want to make headlines for being a bad fist bumper. Whatever his intentions, they ended up fucking the fist bump again, proving that celebrities are truly a different breed.
3. Shappi expressed fears that she was drowning, so Rebekah told her to “stop talking”
It’s becoming more and more apparent that Rebekah Vardy’s middle name is Tough Love. She’s rapidly losing interest in being civil to her fellow celebrities and now seems to be solely focused on winning meals so that she can line her stomach with anything other than the dreaded rice and beans combination.
Rebekah and Shappi had to compete with Dennis and Jamie while incurring a five minute delay thanks to the other girls’ failure in an earlier task. Shappi was lagging behind in the swimming portion of the task and rather than taking her drowning claims seriously, Rebekah powered ahead and told her to stop talking. Incredible.
4. Stanley and Iain had an awkward fight, so Amir busied himself by biting his nails
We’ve all been there. You’re at a friend’s house when they start having an argument with their parents / other half while you’re sat there with a chocolate digestive hanging out of your mouth. It’s uncomfortable, you can’t leave and you know better than to intervene, so you simply sit there like a hostage and allow your eyes to burn a hole into the ground.
Rather than the arguers seeing the good sense in taking their argument to another room over hushed whispers, they plough on with the fight and you’re forced to make yourself as small and unnoticeable as possible to avoid getting roped in somehow. Amir chose the nail biting technique in this situation which was a smart move. He can’t possibly participate in the row as he is clearly very busy.
5. Stanley legitimately thought Dennis’ name was Desmond
They’ve only been spending the past nine days in each others’ pockets, so it was completely understandable when Stanley publicly referred to Dennis Wise as Desmond Wise. Good old Desmond Wise, the former footballer and manager. Dessy Wise. Des Wise. Desmond Wisemond. That’s our guy. Great chap.
It wouldn’t have been half as funny if Stanley hadn’t made such a big spectacle about making a speech during the boys’ banquet, where he addressed everyone by name and profession. Dennis laughed himself into oblivion, which was the correct course of action. To be fair, he looks a bit like a Desmond.
Images via ITV
