Day 17.
Yes, it’s still going.
I’m A Celeb has been on the telly for 7,000 consecutive days. The producers are starting to pass away from exhaustion, Ant and Dec are being held hostage and forced to present against their own free will, the critters from the Bushtucker trials have gone on strike and the celebrities have begun to eat each other.
Alas, every day’s a school day.
Here’s five extremely important things we learned from last night’s I’m A Celeb.
1. Stanley Johnson has been Tom Daley in disguise the whole time!!
For some reason, Iain accompanied Stanley down to the rock pool on last night’s episode, but he respectfully turned his back whilst Stanley bathed. Before he jumped in, Stanley warned Iain that there might be “a bit of a splash”. Iain had assumed that Stanley would be slowly immersing himself in the water like a normal human being, but Stanley had other ideas. He took the perfect diving stance and proceeded to throw himself into the water in such a flawless manner that only professional divers can achieve.
And with that, the secret was out. Stanley Johnson has been disguising himself all along. Underneath the body suit lies little Tom Daley, Britain’s pride and joy. Look at the similarities, they’ve both got an impressive sportsman’s physique, they’re both male, they’re both British and they both have arms and legs. The truth has been right under our noses this entire time. Tom Daley is in the jungle and he might very well be leaving with the winner’s crown.
2. We finally got a size comparison between Dec and Dennis and they are literally the same height
We’ve all suspected it for weeks and even resorted to Google on more than one occasion, but the proof has now emerged in a more material form. Although we were given an undesirable camera angle on their interaction, you can clearly see from the above image that Dec and Dennis Wise are the same height. They’re both bend their knees slightly in a bid to cover up this blatant comparison, but it’s clear as day. Declan Donnelly and Dennis Wise are both the same distance from the ground.
As Ant reminded us, there’s going to come a time where Dec and Dennis meet in the studio and we’re all going to be able to see their height comparison in full high definition glory from a reasonable vantage point. I’m excited. It’s going to be a big day for everyone involved, mostly Dec who’s going to have to face the consequences of his admittedly stunning smack talk over the past few weeks. Truly, this is quite a time to be alive and we are living in the golden age of television.
3. Fiz off Coronation Street dries her knickers on a stick
We were treated to a glimpse into what jungle life is like for the celebrities when the cameras aren’t rolling, or so they think. We got to see the celebrities going about their daily chores, one of which included washing their clothes. Sure, you can wash your garments in the Australian jungle, but how are you going to get them dry? It’s been raining quite a bit, they haven’t got any clotheslines and there doesn’t appear to be much of a wind about the place.
So Fiz did what only Fiz could. She attached her smalls to the end of a stick and manually dried them over the fire. Is this how Fiz dries her knickers at home? Is this a trick she picked up from working at the knicker factory on Coronation Street? Will this inspire a worldwide trend of drying knicks on some sticks? Whatever her motivation, it’s important that we acknowledge Fiz Brown as one of the greatest minds of our generation.
4. Dennis Wise helped Amir Khan with squeezing his spots
It was a touching moment we got to see on last night’s I’m A Celeb, whereby Dennis Wise held a small mirror up for Amir Khan so that he could give his spots a good squeeze. Dennis even offered up some encouragement for Amir, shouting “Go on, lovely” and “That’s it”. What we’ve reached here is peak I’m A Celeb. The celebrities have let their guards down, they’re open for business and potentially even friendship. They are a family now.
Many of us will go our entire lives without experiencing the connection involved when someone holds a mirror up for you to pop your spot in it. Dennis is right in the firing line to be splashed by spotty residue, but he doesn’t care. He’s even flipped the mirror over so that Amir can use the magnified side to really get a good look at that little sucker. Romance means nothing compared to this burgeoning friendship. This is what real love looks like.
5. Celebrities will lose their nut over some free beer and crisps, just like the rest of us
Celebrities – they’re just like you and I. They enjoy life’s simple pleasures such as an ice cold beer and some party snacks served in a wooden bowl as a reward for sitting in a taxi with a bunch of snakes slithering all over their bodies. Jamie, Vanessa, Toff and Dennis had to remember the exact fares of three taxi journeys whilst some snakes accompanied them, then got to gorge themselves on crisps, pretzels, beer and wine afterwards. They deserved it. Being a celebrity is hard work.
Then Amir, Iain, Stanley and Fiz were given the same task, except with critters instead of snakes. Their reward was alcohol, chips and pizza, admittedly an even better offering than the others. Logically, being in the first taxi would’ve been the better option because they got all of the treats, but that’s not the point. The point is that celebrities will lose their reason over free alcohol and junk food, just like the rest of us. Add in some karaoke and what you’ve got here is a party.
Images via ITV
