Day 25.
Finally, four weeks in, we got the episode we’ve been craving.
Love Island peaked last night and it’s all going to be downhill from here, but that’s fine. All good parties must come to a bitter end where everyone scrambles for taxis and makes one last ditch attempt at open mouth kissing someone they fancy.
It went off last night. It may never go back on again. The world is different now, hardened to the capabilities of man. We’re not the people we were twenty-four hours ago
Here’s six key moments you might’ve missed.
1. Dani revealed that she eats a toastie every night and is henceforth A Massive Fucking Relatable Legend
After Love Island decided to ruin the one remaining good and pure thing in the world by letting Dani know that Jack’s ex was in the other villa, naturally and understandably, she freaked the fuck out. Her mind was going ninety, as was her gob. She worried that Jack’s ex would consist of “lipstick, tits, not eating toasties every night” and in that moment, in that very moment, she became the Queen of England. Dani was concerned that Jack would favour someone else because she didn’t eat toasties all the goddamn time. What she doesn’t realise is that eating toasties at night is an incredible personality trait and he is probably going to marry her for that precise reason. How very dare Love Island try to come between them. How very, very, very dare they.
2. Georgia and Dani continued to spend their time looking like two women awaiting their husbands’ return from war
“Whence will our husbands return from the war? For eighteen years we have waited in anguish and we will continue to do so. It hasn’t been easy, raising our families, each comprised of thirteen boys and seventeen girls, completely alone without the support of our spouses. However, we respect their sacrifice. They are away from home, fighting for the betterment of this country. Giving their lives for the nation’s people. They are heroes and we, their heroines. We will continue to wait, eager for their return. Upon arrival, they shall be greeted with love. Except Josh, he is a disgusting pig and will fry for what he has done”.
3. Willy Wonka snuck into the villa overnight and got a good night’s sleep
Get your grandad out of the bed that he shares with your grandma and also two other grandparents because Willy Wonka is here to show you a good time. You’ve found the golden ticket and now it’s time to spend a fun-filled day exploring the ins and outs of an exciting place. You’re going to be taken on a tour around the Love Island villa. You’ll get to see where the islanders eat, sleep, take a shit and even have cigarettes off camera. If you’re really lucky, you might even find a stray pube in the shower. Willy Wonka, although a smidge eccentric, will ensure that you have a wonderful day. Step up and enter the Love Island villa. *We cannot except responsibility for any injuries or deaths incurred on the premises.
4. Ellie said precisely what we were all thinking about Adam and has fully redeemed herself for any past grievances
Did she lead Alex on just to survive recoupling? It doesn’t matter anymore. That’s in the past now. Ellie has redeemed herself with seven simple words. “Is he that much of a prick?”, was her response to learning that Adam had just scored his fourth girl of the series. The statement echoed pretty much everyone’s feelings at the time, aside from Adam, who is already salivating at the thought of girls number five, six, seven and eight. Ellie was good mates with Zara and knows Adam from before Love Island, yet seemed legitimately surprised at his actions. We, the general public, have known him for four weeks now and saw it coming. Pigs are very easy to identify. Smarten up, girl.
5. Dani was buzzed to meet Jack’s ex
Dani, newly crowned Queen of England is fast becoming the best thing to come out of Love Island since Chris and Kem’s bathroom escapades last year where they shaved each others’ initials into their pubes. She was sick with worry at the prospect of Jack returning with someone else, so when he walked in free as a bird she turned her relief into anger. Ellie #2 strolled in like a child that has been reintroduced to the classroom after a time out, eager to prove to their colleagues that they’ve learned nothing. Dani was direct, articulate and straight to the point. She’s right. Ellie can fuck off. Leave Jani alone you homewrecker.
6. Flack briefly broke her impartiality to let everyone know that she also considers Josh to be a prick
Thank you, Caroline. Thank you for breaking protocol on this special occasion because you too were overwhelmed with the savagery that was unfolding right in front of your smokey eyes. Georgia had just learned that Josh pied her, so was understandably livid but soldiered on because she is a trooper. Josh, eight feet deep into the hole that he’s been digging over the past couple of days, announced that Kaz had turned his head after she was “sensational” and blew him away. Caroline was having none of it and exhaled sharply. She stopped being impartial because she was overwhelmed by his commitment to being a pig. Britain has three new heroes today: They are Dani Dyer, Georgia and to a lesser extent, Caroline Flack. The resistance is now. We revolt at dawn.
HEY! Want to know which Love Island contestant is your type on paper? Take this quiz.
Images via ITV
