Sponsored by Sega
We played the hell out of Theme Hospital back in the day
The mid-1990s were a golden era for PC games. Particularly simulation games, or ‘God’ games, where you unleashed your inner control-freak on a simulated world. A virtual city, or a virtual theme park, or a virtual hospital.
First let loose on the world in 1997, Theme Hospital was one of the most addictive in the genre. You would boot up for a quick five-minute game, just to mess about with your hospital, move the furniture around a little bit, hire a new doctor or two, build a new ward, or maybe settle a wage dispute. And then suddenly you’d look up, and it would be hours, even days later – you would barely have washed, your family had declared you missing, and your pets had learned to forage for themselves.
Ah, such great days.
Two Point Hospital, which is available now as a digital download for PC, Mac, and Linux, is a throwback to this era. New boys Two Point Studios are made up of a dream team of developers who worked on classics PC titles like Theme Park, Startopia, Fable, Black and White, and The Movies, and for their debut game they’ve looked back to Theme Hospital and given the medical-care simulator a much needed spiritual successor.
The game lets you design, build, and run your own hospital in the fictional Two Points County. It’s all about trying to cure weird and wild diseases while also balancing the books and trying to keep the whole operation afloat.
All the action takes place from that familiar isometric perspective (updated with lovely modern 3D graphics) and is controlled with the traditional menu-based gameplay of Theme Hospital – all of which means that anyone who was addicted to simulation games back in the day will slide straight back into it.
For anybody who’s new to simulator games, it is important to point out, though, that it is definitely not a scientifically accurate universe. The focus is more on fun and humour than a faithful recreation of the healthcare issues facing the world.
Take, for instance, the various diseases and ailments featured in Two Point Hospital. One common affliction is “lightheadedness”, where the unfortunate sufferer finds their head replaced with a light bulb. Or “cubism”, where those struck down are rendered like a Picasso painting. And all of this is brought to life with lovely, slick animations. Ill health has never before been this hilarious.
But don’t let the all these japes and wackiness fool you – underneath the comedic exterior is a deep business management sim. Different afflictions require different staff and treatments to cure them.
You’ll need to optimise your hospital layout and patient flow to be as efficient as possible, both to provide the best care, and make as much cash as you can. And as you build your medical empire, you’ll progress from hospital to hospital, each promising to be more challenging than the last – from the tropical lands of Grockle Bay and Sweaty Palms, to the industrial hell of Melt Downs.
All of this sounds like the perfect reinventions of one of our favourite classic game genres. We’re digging out our stethoscope and white coat and can’t wait to get addicted all over again.
Two Point Hospital is out now as a digital download for PC, Mac, and Linux.
