Day 18.
We’re not even close to halfway. It’s never going to end. This is our life now. Just accept it and get on with things.
Last night’s Love Island was another classic instalment of fun, frollics, flirting and fbanter. It was all happening, truly.
But did you see it? Did you actually *see* it? Or were you scanning the hashtag for dank memes to put in the group chat? Be honest now.
Here’s six key moments you might’ve missed.
1. Zara and Adam failed to observe standard wine drinking practices, such as filling the glass halfway
Every sommelier worth their salt knows that you should never fill a wine glass to the brim. Going to the halfway mark is best practice as it allows you to enjoy the full wine-drinking experience, including tilting the glass to observe the colour of the wine and allowing it space to open its bouquet to release the unique aroma. Zara and Adam are denying themselves the pleasure of drinking wine by filling their glasses the whole way. It’s also advisable to hold wine glasses by the stem to avoid affecting the temperature of the drink, but as you can see, this pair are uncultured swines who deserve little more than a lukewarm £5 bottle of petrol station wine. Or maybe they just wanted to get pissed, in which case, fair game.
2. Laura revealed that she would be incredibly shit at a game of hide and seek
Eager to inform the girls that her and Wes had “done bits” during the night, Laura exercised every method of subtlety known to man before she ended up blurting out that Wes is a stallion and that they had, indeed, done bits. Once that was out in the open, Laura immediately retreated into a shy schoolgirl, attempting to hide inside one of the wardrobes. We learned two things from this occurrence: a) Laura is incredibly shit at hide and seek and b) Georgia is also incredibly shit at hide and seek. Georgia legitimately looks as though she can’t locate Laura. “Where’s she gone?”, Georgia’s thinking. These islanders need to be reintegrated into society soon because they’re losing what matters the most in life: being good at hide and seek.
3. Ellie thought that it was Alex’s job to put people down
Ellie and Alex were having breakfast together when Ellie revealed that she used to want to be a vet. Alex said the thought of putting dogs down was sad, to which Ellie replied “Well you put people down”. Just sit with that for a second. See how it tastes. Not great, right? Hayley, intelligence-wise has been replaced by Ellie, that is a fact. Alex, rather than completely bodying Ellie and roasting her beyond belief for being so stupid, calmly explained that euthanasia is illegal and then told her she was cute and playfully touched her nose. Truly, this is a mismatch. Alex needs someone smart, or failing that, someone who understands what the job of a doctor actually entails.
4. We learned that Wes makes an impeccable Festival Hun
Part of last night’s task involved the contestants swapping clothes and credit where it’s due, Wes looks impeccable as a festival hun. The flower crown, the skimpy top, the sequins, the ‘disinterested with life but soldiering on’ facial expression. It’s all come together really well. When he leaves the villa, Wes will have a bright future ahead of him. One that involves dressing as a Festival Hun to get people to go into a bar on holidays. He’ll hand out leaflets, sporadically dance to the music that’s spilling out onto the street from the bar, he’ll even hand out lollipops to children passing by. Congratulations Wes, your future is cemented.
5. Georgia made Josh a birthday cake which looked like a rabbit shat on top of where a dog shat on top of some cow shit
What’s the best thing to do on your birthday? Throw up after eating a disgusting cake that one of your loved ones has spent what appears to be four minutes preparing, of course. Georgia decided to make a cake for Josh’s birthday and as evidenced above, it looked truly repulsive. She appears to have put a mountain of either flour, sugar or cocaine on top of some chocolate sponge, then decorated it with breakfast cereal. Surely the Love Island producers could’ve chipped in and gotten a Colin the Caterpillar delivered. This is simply not good enough. She doesn’t love him. True love doesn’t look like that. It’s worth at least £3 in chocolate buttons.
6. Laura looks like a demonic being when she acts out sex positions, so that’s good to know
The islanders were playing a sex position game for Josh’s birthday because they haven’t quite given their parents enough reasons to be ashamed of them just yet. Laura and Wes’ turn resulted in Laura producing the horrifying expression captured above, which doesn’t really shed any light on anything, I just thought it was funny. That’s a horror movie character there. It’s the lipstick, but also her cold, dead eyes. Anyway, see you tomorrow!
Images via ITV
