Episode 5.
We’re five days in and somehow it’s still going. I’m as surprised as you are tbqh.
There was an abundance of cringe during last night’s episode, as expected.
Most notably, they put graphics on the side of an elephant which is potentially a first for reality television. The Guinness Book Of Records committee has been notified.
Here’s five moments that stuck out, for reasons both bad and good, but mostly bad.
1. They put graphics on an elephant for no necessary reason
Truly this was a bizarre way to start the show, but here we are, five days in and still talking about it. The voiceover was enough to signify that we were about to see a montage of footage from the upcoming episode, but for some reason they also displayed the word ‘TONIGHT’ on a moving elephant. Was this necessary? No. Did it look good? Again, no. It feels like someone on the Survival of the Fittest production team just learned motion tracking and was determined to slip it in somewhere during the show. Either that or they’ve spray painted an elephant, which is kind of bad ass but also probably animal cruelty.
2. Tristan told Matisse, a girl he’s known for two days, that he loves her
This is totally normal and cool thing to do and he definitely means it, which is terrific. They are in love. Tristan loves Matisse so much that after asking her if they should get married, he informed her that he loves her. So this is good. You might believe that it’s all part of the game, but you can tell it’s absolutely not if you look at their body language. Tristan is crossing his arms and looking at Matisse’s boobs, which means he has a huge amount of respect for her as a person and promises to be honest and faithful until the end of time. Reality television is wonderful and very authentic. I suspect they will have a long and happy life together.
3. The contestants had to transport their own urine across an obstacle course
In an unexpected twist, contestants were set a challenge which saw them peeing into a cone, then wearing it on their heads and transporting it across an obstacle course. The successfully transported pee was then served for all at room temperature in a mason jar with ethically produced straws. Viewers were surprisingly okay with this bizarre task, calling it “Different, but interesting” and “Yeah”. Survival of the Fittest might have taken things too far this time, but at least it’s given me something to write about! Also just kidding, it was water and I hate this show so much.
4. Lottie has been praying too much
The girls have been using a variety of techniques to ensure that they win the competition, but it appears that Lottie has been using the power of the Lord. Her knees were bandaged up during last night’s show and that can only be as a result of one thing. She has been praying for longer than is recommended. Lottie is using her faith to try to sway the girls’ chance of winning Survival of the Fittest. Is this allowed? I’ve misplaced my rulebook for the show, but once I locate it, I’ll be sure to update this allegation. Whatever the outcome, something untoward is definitely going on.
5. Georgie’s reaction to being booted off the show was televisual gold
Finally, we’ve got an authentic reaction to someone being sent home from their potential shot at three minutes of fame. Tristan delivers the news that Georgie’s going home and her face looks like she’s just learned that her childhood dog didn’t go to live on a farm with lots of other animals, but he was indeed knocked down by Dad’s Range Rover. She says “What the fuck?”, then bursts into tears after Whitmore offers her professional condolences. This is televisual perfection. She’s livid. She hates the British public and also all six boys sitting opposite her. You can bet your ass she cursed every single one of them all the way home to Britain.
Images via ITV
