Day 15.
Oh brother, it was another spiffing episode of I’m A Celeb last night. You’re not going to believe what happened.
Kez poured washing-up liquid all over the campsite which resulted in the celebrities all slipping over and sustaining injuries. They were rushed to hospital where entertainment was pronounced dead upon arrival. With nothing to film, the I’m A Celeb crew hired body doubles to stand in while the gang recovered in hospital. Thankfully, it appears that nobody noticed.
In reality, it was another standard episode. They carried out some tasks, there was a Bushtucker trial, they were hungry and all had a good moan at least once.
Here’s five important things that we learned.
1. The I’m A Celeb props budget has officially run out
Last week we saw Iain taking part in a space exploration task suspended above the Australian jungle and thought we’d had our fill of budget-restricted buffoonery, but last night our expectations were surpassed yet again. Vanessa and Fiz (I know her real name is Jennie but I refuse to use it) took part in a Bushtucker Trial called ‘Car Cruel Karaoke’. It turns out that the name of the task was a precursor for how dire the props would be for this game.
What we can see above is a bandy old jeep with one headlight out (or one working, if you’re optimistic), some shitty DJ lights underneath and a selection of teddy bears stapled to the grill making it seem as though they are very recent victims of roadkill, unbeknownst to the driver and passenger. There’s also some disco lights in the back of the car, lest the viewer forgets that this entire task is about karaoke. For some reason, the set designer has sprinkled a handful of leaves over the bonnet of the car, along with precisely two rubber ducks. I am now setting up a Kickstarter for all future Bushtucker trials.
2. Fiz does a cracking impression of ZoidbergÂ
Truly, she is the actress of a generation and we must widely regard her as such. Fiz was tasked with keeping three witchetty grubs in her mouth whilst humming ‘Stop’ by the Spice Girls, so just a casual Saturday afternoon to you and I. Not only did Fiz hum the melody to perfection, she also provided us with a banging impression of Zoidberg from Futurama. Is there anything this woman can’t do, apart from trying to convince us that her name in real life is anything other than Fiz? No.
We’re 15 days into this series of I’m A Celeb and things are getting quite boring. Fiz unleashing this exceptional impression is exactly what everyone needed yesterday. Celebrities often get tarred with the same brush, but she’s changing minds left, right and centre. Fiz Brown is more than a one trick pony. We haven’t even scratched the surface with her variety of animated television character impressions. Just wait until you see her impression of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, you’ll die.
3. One of the critters made the absolute most out of his five seconds of fame
A few of the celebrities were buried alive in sand all in the name of some standard I’m A Celeb entertainment. Their little air pods were filled with the usual supply of creepy crawlies and critters, but one of these little creeps in Stanley’s pod had other ideas. Like all insects used on the show, he had been well briefed by the producers beforehand and knew that he would get a couple of minutes of airtime, then go back to his sad little Australian critter life afterwards. But this guy had other ideas.
From the moment he landed in front of Stanley’s abnormally large head, he meant business. This guy planted himself front and centre, then used his arms to attract the viewer’s attention. If he could talk, this guy would’ve said “Hey, look at me. I am a star. Please, Disney, write a movie about me and I will be in it. I have bigger ambitions than fucken I’m A Celeb“, or something like that. To his credit, it worked. I noticed him. Then instantly forgot about him, but still. He almost made it.
4. Amir Khan doesn’t know how to crack an egg
For dinner, the celebrities were given one singular ostrich egg. Rebekah, to the surprise of her campmates, allowed Amir to take charge of this precious egg. After walking around with the egg for a few minutes, unsure as to what he would do with it, Amir eventually settled on stabbing a small hole in it with a very large knife as everyone looked on. The entire campsite was glaring at Amir as he quite literally butchered a very delicate egg.
To no one’s surprise, the tiny hole Amir punctured in the egg wasn’t sufficient, so Iain had to save the day by putting another hole in the top because of science. He saved the day, meaning the celebrities could all enjoy a delicious meal of what appeared to be a very big omelette, but there was a price to pay. The entire nation is now aware that Amir Khan, former world boxing champion, does not know how to crack an egg. The implications for this revelation are expected to be dire. He will be stripped of his titles accordingly.
5. Jamie Lomas can’t throw for shit
Look at the size of that board. Look how close Jamie Lomas is standing to it. Now be prepared to projectile vomit everywhere as I tell you that it took him THREE attempts to hit it. Three times that man had to throw a juggling ball before it hit the target. It’s unfathomable that Jamie has gotten this far in life with such horrendous aim. His bathroom must be a state. I have compiled a list of people that have a better aim than Jamie Lomas:
- A newborn baby
- Stephen Hawking
- Eamonn (Aimin’) Holmes lol
- A T-Rex
- A worm
- Andrea Bocelli
If we learned nothing else from last night’s I’m A Celeb, it’s important to take away with us the knowledge that Jamie Lomas can’t aim for shit. See you tomorrow!
All images via ITV
