Episode 33.
Last night’s episode was a bit of downer because it mostly centred around Olivia and Chris fighting with each other like a cat that has just been introduced to a family of foxes after years in isolation.
Still, enough things happened for me to scrape together another gripping roundup of the episode’s events.
Here’s six things that might’ve gone over your head last night while you were distracted by missing Jonny’s eye twitch.
1. Olivia would be a really shit stenographer
After Jonny left the house, emotions were running higher than normal. Chris, a man of free will, decided to go for a cigarette. Olivia spotted him on the way and asked where he was going, to which he replied “Just for a smoke, beaut. Come if you want”. Olivia didn’t like this one single solitary bit and rushed herself into the villa’s bedroom to complain about it with the other islanders. In the thirty second gap between Chris stating his purpose and Olivia reaching the bedroom, her version of events changed so drastically, it was worrying.
She recalled the conversation to Montana, Alex and Kem, but I firmly believe she would’ve told that story to anyone that would listen. Her recollection of Chris’ words were as follows: “I’m gonna talk to Tyla”. Now, spade a spade, Olivia has really shot herself in the foot here. Most Love Island contestants will be using this opportunity to secure future promotional deals and employment, but she can cross stenographer off her list because the girl’s transcribing abilities are catastrophic and wholly unemployable.
2. The islanders are drinking Lidl orange juice during their stay
I’d recognise that 1.5l bottle of VitaFit orange juice made from concentrate anywhere. It’s the cream of the crop and the islanders certainly seem to think so, because that carton is resting in the smoking area and as we all know, only the best cartons of juices get brought to an area as sacred as the one designated for smoking. However, Lidl’s main selling point is that it offers great products at slightly lower prices than the average supermarket. But don’t these islanders deserve a more lavish expenditure on juices?
Why won’t the Love Island producers splash out on a bottle of Tropicana? Heck, why not throw caution to the wind and go for a luxurious bottle of Innocent juice for these kind souls providing us with endless hours of entertainment? I’m not adverse to Crowdfunding so that these minor celebrities can taste a bottle of brand name orange juice. It’s the least we can repay them. Yesterday, we saw Jonny using some God awful washing up liquid as hand soap. These people are living in squalor and it needs to stop.
3. Jamie might genuinely think that Camilla is a dog
There was a cute scene during last night’s show where we saw Jamie and Camilla in bed together. Jamie was propped up while Camilla had cocooned herself in the duvet covers beside him, a very logical decision to make in 30° heat. Jamie was overcome with the need to caress Camilla, a regular occurrence for most new couples. However, his approach was somewhat unconventional. Jamie petted Camilla’s head in a manner which can only be likened to that of an owner to his / her dog.
Camilla settled into her temporary role quite comfortably, providing an easily accessible angle for her owner to reach. Maybe, in some alternate universe, there are two dogs roleplaying as Camilla and Jamie. Either way, if you’re concerned enough to watch it back, Jamie gave Camilla a good ol scratch on her forehead meaning he probably has a dog and is missing it dearly. Camilla is more than likely missing her regularly activities of pretending to be a dog also. I dunno, fuck off, it’s the 33rd episode. I have nothing left to say.
4. ALEX SPOKE AND HE WAS SOMEWHAT EXCITABLE!
As we’ve come to learn, Alex isn’t much of a talker. He’s a very good looking man with terrific hair, but the words just don’t seem to be there. Him and Montana were in bed (everyone just stayed in best on last night’s episode, it was kind of boring) and Theo was seeking advice. They told him to apologise to Tyla for saying mean (but funny) things about Jonny the night before. Alex grunted at appropriate intervals, while Montana led the conversation as always.
Theo eventually decided that he would take Montana’s advice and apologise, so he headed outside to do so. Then, ALEX SPOKE. He grunted his way through expressing that he’d like to see the drama unfold, so jumped out of bed and said in a high pitched voice ‘Wait for me’. Not only did we get to hear Alex’s voice, but were treated to a humorous variation of it. We’ve waited weeks for this kind of excitement and it was truly a spectacle to behold. Alex has a voice and it can be low or high. What will he surprise us with next? Perhaps he’s been hiding an extra toe all this time?
5. Alex will use any object available to keep his fringe patted down
I noticed this quite a while back but wasn’t sure if it was newsworthy. Thirty-three episodes in, I believe it’s time. If you keep an eye on Alex throughout any episode of Love Island, you’ll notice that he is eternally trying to keep his fringe in a downward position. It starts in the morning with a backwards cap, then will progress into a pair of sunglasses throughout the afternoon or the umbilical cord of his twin he absorbed in the womb, all in preparation for the nighttime activities where his hair will be suitably coiffed.
Alex, your hair is the least of your worries, my good friend. People don’t care if your fringe is raised or flattened down, what we care about is hearing you speak. Even on his date with Montana, the kid had a prime opportunity for humour and overlooked it. He said he wanted to ‘take their relationship to the next level’, but then didn’t hilariously follow that up with: ‘I think we should watch Shrek 2 together’. Honestly, the boy is devoid of any humour whatsoever and Montana is going to lose interest soon. That is my piping hot take for today. Thank you.
6. Chris isn’t sure how sweating works
Theo, unlikely comedian of the series, said something “funny” which resulted in Marcel and Chris snotting themselves with laughter. The pair were in convulsions for no less than two minutes at what I would consider to be a very substandard joke (something about Tyla getting on her bike because she’s missed her chance with him). Chris then remarked to Theo that he needed to stop being so funny because he was getting all sweaty from laughing so much.
Chris, you are wearing a velvet t-shirt and jeans in Majorca, it’s possible that your sweating is due to a poor outfit choice rather than the hilarity of your fellow islander. Laughter, although sometimes it can feel like a fully body experience, rarely produces enough of a physical reaction to induce any substantial amount of sweat. You are sweltering because you’re dressed for Christmas Day in the highlands, my good sir. Just wear something light and breezy in the evenings and you won’t sweat. Also stay away from Olivia, she is toxic and you’re much better off without her.
All images via ITV
