Day 46.
Congratulations, you’ve once again caught my bluff! These aren’t key moments. Heck, they’re barely even moments. Love Island is garbage.
But, spade a spade, Love Island is hot stuff right now. It’s all anyone wants to secretly read about and then publicly condemn.
So here we are. 46 days deep into the series and still chipping away at this award-winning piece of content. It’s been rumoured that a Pulitzer will be awarded to a piece of Love Island content this year and I’m confident that this might be it.
With that in mind, here’s sex key moments worth revisiting.
1. The mystery behind Jack’s turbo white teeth was finally revealed
Jack Fincham, the 26-year old pen salesman from Kent has some of the whitest teeth we’ve ever seen on our television screens. Rylan Clark is cancelled, his title has been stripped. There’s a new white toothed-legend on our TV screens and it’s an accolade he truly deserves. But how are Jack’s teeth so white? The above image is all the evidence we need. Rather than simply brushing his teeth like a normal person, Jack goes ham on the situation, foaming all around his mouth and even cleaning the outside of his cheeks. Perhaps the toothpaste seeps through the outside to provide double the protection and whitening power, or, simply, it does nothing at all as he is just a very messy tooth-brusher. We may never truly know.
2. Jack and Dani stayed up late to watch naughty things on the internet
Everyone had gone to sleep, but Jack had something that he wanted to show his sweet love. There comes a time in every relationship when you’re ready for the talk. For some, it happens very close into their journey together. Others, it might take weeks, months or even years. For Jack and Dani, it took 46 days. 46 days for Jack to show Dani his favourite naughty bit of content on the internet. The pair stayed up until 4am looking at Shrek nudes and were positively giddy with the results. Theirs is a love that is sure to last an eternity, so it’s only fitting that they shared their various kinks from the outset so that no surprises are in store down the line. Sure, that’s all a complete lie, but it’s more fun than saying they simply got a text at 4am.
3. Jack and Dani went on a ‘Balloon Fligth’
I’m a firm believer that there is nothing in this world funnier than being on holidays and seeing how the locals, whose first language you refuse to learn how to speak a single word of, have misspelled basic English words. It’s their second language, they’ve got better things to spend their time doing than spellchecking stupid English words for the sake of tourists that are desperate to go viral on Twitter. Forget about ‘Balloon Fligths’. It’s irrelevant. What’s more important is the fact that their phone number ends in four very very nice digits, which has redeemed the whole spelling error beyond belief. They’re trolling us. Every single one of us.
4. The producers clickbaited Laura and Paul into thinking they’d be meeting Britney Spears
Spade a spade, the texts haven’t been exceptional this series, nor have the hashtags. Laura received a text with information about her date with Paul. As seen above, ‘#kissmebabyonemoretime’ was their clue, along with ‘#betterlatethatnever’, which suggests that they’re going to a Britney Spears concert. Right? Logically, that’s where they’re going. Britney has a tour date in Mallorca so the pair are going to go along, meet her backstage and probably do a three-way kiss if the mood strikes them, thereby evening out the playing field and giving us some decent Love Island content. But no, instead, they ate a bit of dinner on a cliff. END CLICKBAIT 2k18.
5. Megan put Wes in a very impressive chokehold
Look at that form. Completely in awe of it. Absolute unit. During the usual daily Love Island montage where we get to see the islanders preening themselves for the night ahead, we were given a glimpse into life with Megan and Wes. They were jumping on the beds, then things very quickly escalated into a situation where Megan put Wes into an impressive chokehold. Look at him, he’s immobilised. Wes is going nowhere. Megan has got some skills. Look at the strength in her forearm, the other arm blocking his shoulder from moving. Her leg is wrapped around Wes’ to prevent him from kicking. This is a stellar display of technique. Get that girl signed up for season three of GLOW, stat.
6. A tragedy occurred in the Love Island pool
Look, I’m not proud of that. But as I’ve said time and time again, this series of Love Island has been somewhat lacklustre in terms of content. They’re a very chilled out bunch. We’ve had a smidge of drama, but there’s no one in the villa that’s churning out solid televisual gold on a daily basis. Wes and Jack have their moments, as does Alex, but on the whole, not enough happens for me to fill this godforsaken list every day. Hence, I have to take matters into my own hands and create the magic. Essentially, I am producing the show from the comfort of my work desk. Anyway, it’s all over on Monday. Then we can be free.
Images via ITV
