Welcome to November, aka the beginning of the end
The clocks have gone back. The days are shorter. The nights are longer. The wind is bitter. And so am I.
There is almost nothing good about the next five months.
Halloween is done, not that there’s anything good about that polyester hellscape of an evening. Bonfire Night? If I wanted to stand out in the cold and watch things explode I would join some kind of armed service and invade Greenland.
Christmas is a broadly positive experience, but while Jesus Christ may have died for our sins, he made the extremely selfish decision to be born in midwinter.
We should follow the Australian method and relocate to the Southern Hemisphere for the festive season. As the Dutch Eurodance group T-Spoon said in their 1997 hit single, I wanna have turkey on the beach. Come on, move your body. Turkey on the beach.
I don’t have time to explain everything that’s wrong with New Year’s Eve, but the central point is that, given how badly we’ve messed up the last few, we don’t deserve a new year. End it all, I say.
Enjoy the quiz!
