Happy #RoyalWedding day to you and yours!
Not sure if you’ve heard, but Princess Eugenie got married today.
It was a heartwarming and subtle affair complete with a concise 850 people and a full camera crew broadcasting live footage around the world in real time.
Viewers gained an awful lot of insight about the Royals from watching this real-life love story unfold, as expected.
Just in case you missed it, here’s a cheatsheet with 18 important things we learned.
1. Ricky Martin gets an invite to everything simply as a result of being Ricky Martin and also because ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’ absolutely slapped.
2. Prince Philip is now 800 years old and immortal.
3. ‘Eugenie’ is what everyone said the first time they met Robin Williams on the set of Aladdin.
4. Rich people, much like moths, love lamps.
5. A cool 93 years after it was written, The Great Gatsby still holds up.
6. The wind is a cruel mistress, bowing to no man, child, royal or peasant wearing a hat.
7. Fergie should open a butcher’s shop and call it Sarah, Duchess of Pork.
8. Cara Delevingne can wear a tux and top hat better than any man alive.
9. James Blunt is everywhere, at all times. You may not see him, but if you heighten your senses, you can feel his presence.
10. Kay Burley has passed away. That is the only reason for her to be missing this once in a lifetime bi-annual event.
11. None of us are exempt from poor vision, not even those about to wed into the Royal family.
12. Camilla Parker-Bowles didn’t turn up to the wedding because she hates Britain.
13. Ellie Goulding is still out and about, doing her bits, here and there, to and fro. Good for her.
14. Princess Eugenie had scoliosis as a child, followed by an operation and is now left with a scar on her back (Thank you, Sky News, for relaying this no fewer than 4 times).
15. Prince George will be the first King of England to feature in a nose picking compilation video on YouTube.
16. The Royal children get to bunk off so much school and it’s not fair.
17. Climate change has been stopped because the Royal couple are having a plastic-free wedding.
18. £2 million of taxpayers’ money was a fair price to pay to see Robbie Williams stand idly by watching his mother-in-law running after her windswept hat.
