When I die, please clear my Google search history before you call an ambulance.
Everyone’s Google searches are incriminating. Whether you’re a sick pervert or you innocently mistyped ‘big throbbing cooks’, if your Google search history is ever released for public consumption, you’re going to be truly and utterly fucked.
Let’s just embrace it. Every now and then, I’ll Google ‘I know I’m on The Truman Show’ just in case I am, because then nobody can accuse me of being stupid.
Here’s 21 incriminating Google searches we’re all guilty of doing.
1. When you get a passive-aggressive email from a co-worker regarding where your work that was assigned 5 minutes ago is
2. When you somehow produce odourless flatulence so you’re extremely suspicious
3. When the alarm goes off at 7am and you’re having approximately none of it
4. We’ve all done it
5. When your stupidity finally catches up with you
6. When the cat’s being a real piece of shit
7. When you want to participate in lunchtime chatter about current affairs so you do some prep
8. When your hypochondria has a fun day out
9. When you realise there’s a wedding coming up and it’s fucking yours
10. When the weight of life’s expectations hits you unannounced
11. When you check your balance two weeks before payday
12. When you check your balance three weeks before payday
13. When you’re packing for a weekend trip and your bag’s being a real bitch about it
14. When you realise you are approximately 75 years old
15. When someone jokes that you’re an idiot but you’re still thinking about it seven months later
16. When you’ve just watched David Blaine and suspect witchcraft
17. When it’s your turn to pay for dinner
18. When you’re testing the waterproof capabilities of your new phone
19. When you’re on the toilet and have worked your way through FB, Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram so resort to your brain’s musings
20. When you’re not sure if you’re being cute and flirty or creepy and illegal
21. SERIOUSLY WHERE THE FUCK IS HE HIDING IT?
