Yes, this gravy train is still very much flowing and shows no signs of stopping.
Some breaking news here, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have been wed. It was a pretty lowkey ceremony, so it’s possible this is the first time you’re hearing about it.
Anyway, the former Suits actress is now royalty. She’s part of the Royal Family and with that comes a large set of rules and regulations that Meghan must now obey.
But what are those rules? Allow us to enlighten you.
Behold the full list of things that Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, can no longer do.
1. Use Matey bubble bath
2. Eat chips on a kerb at 3am after the pub
3. Watch any movie that stars Owen Wilson or Jennifer Aniston
4. Bite the chocolate off chocolate raisins, then discard the raisins because they’re scum
5. Refer to her boobs as Mary-Kate and Ashley
6. Laugh at a dank meme
7. Wave at low-flying aircrafts just in case someone is looking out the window
8. Make monthly Spotify playlists with names like March Madness and June’s Tunes
9. Eat Oreos after 7pm in a well lit room
10. Stalk any of her exes on Instagram, even if one of them gets really fat and starts posting My Chemical Romance lyrics
11. Smile at babies then ignore them when they try to interact with her
12. Express an opinion on the extortionate price of Freddos
13. Act in any capacity. Even when she gets a supermarket free sample and feels compelled to pretend that she’s going to buy the discounted sausages
14. Drink tea without having her pinky finger fully erect
15. Refer to her toes as ‘tootsies’
16. Eat dinner without first praising thanks to our Lord and Saviour Kay Burley
17. Wear pyjamas that have a pocket in them
18. Style her hair in a way that exposes the fact that she, like every other human on the planet, has a skull
19. Choose Professor Plum as her starter character in Cluedo
20. Buy magazines that have Katie Price on the cover
21. Look a Beckham in the eye
