We don’t remember when, and we’ll definitely never know why, but at some point in time large proportions of society seemed to collectively decide that spoiling TV shows and movies for people who haven’t watched them yet was absolutely fine and dandy.
There’s nothing worse than committing hours of your time to a series just to have some internet gobshite let slip the big twist and mess it up for you. It’s enough to send anyone crazy.
Although nothing is completely foolproof, there are ways of avoiding this unwanted 21st century phenomenon. Follow our guide to give yourself the best chance.
1. Wear enormous noise-cancelling headphones in the office
It won’t make you popular with your loudmouth colleagues, but sometimes these things just have to be done.
There is always someone who thinks letting slip the latest season finale cliffhanger is appropriate water cooler chat. You’ve got two options when faced with one of these utter morning-wreckers: offer to fight them there and then, or block them out entirely.
2. Tighten up your Twitter settings
Twitter is great for memes and checking in on Barack Obama, but when it comes to spoilers, it’s no less than a perilous deathtrap.
Luckily, there a few handy life hacks that can make your timeline an infinitely safer place. If you’re a Tweetdeck user there’s an option to mute keywords of your choosing so that content associated with those words won’t bother you.
Simply head into settings, click the ‘mute’ option, select ‘text content’ and type whatever you want omitted.
It’s easy enough to undo, too.
There’s a similar option for those who prefer the regular Twitter app, but you’ll need to download the Open Tweet Filter Google Chrome extension to take advantage.
Again, click on settings, this time head to ‘filters’, and rid your feed of anything that might ruin your evening’s entertainment.
3. Set your phone to Airplane Mode
Sometimes you’ll be out and about knowing full well that you’re missing an episode of something that is prime spoiler-bait. All it takes is one accidental flick through your phone and WHAM.
Avoid this by setting your phone to Airplane mode. That way you can’t use the internet and there’s no risk of receiving one of those “OH SH*T, DID YOU SEE *insert character name* GET DECAPITATED ON *insert fantasy TV show name*” texts from your mate. Sure, you might miss the odd call, but it’s worth the hit.
4. Download the Game of Spoils extension
Nothing gets spoiled with such depressing regularity as the medieval-inspired orgie bloodbath that is Game of Thrones. Because each episode in season is broadcast in the US first – you can watch it at the same time but for most of us it’s on way past our bedtimes – the internet is quite literally crawling with spoilers by the following morning. Nothing is sacred where Westeros is concerned.
There is a solution, though, and in our experience it’s a damn-near flawless one. The Game of Spoils plugin is the ultimate spoiler blocker for all things Seven Kingdoms. Again, you’ll need to be a Chrome user, but it will block content from Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and Google News.
Once you install the extension it will sit in the corner of your browser and cover all GoT content with a black banner like the ones below.
If for whatever reason you decide you’re okay with a publication telling you who died before you’ve seen the episode, clicking on the blocked content will trigger it to slowly to reveal itself. If you’re as sick of GoT spoilers as we are, this is one of your best bets.
5. Force Block
There’s no way that anyone with even the faintest interest in Star Wars hasn’t seen the latest movie by now, but at the back end of last year it was a spoiler free-for-all participated in by horrible dickheads everywhere.
When the next movie (and the inevitable 30 that will follow it) comes round make sure you’ve got Force Block installed. It works in much the same way as Game of Spoils, but for Star Wars. The force is strong with this one.
6. Download Unspoiler
Essentially just a catch-all version of everything mentioned so far, the Unspoiler extension allows you to block out as much internet as you want. Headlines, tweets, Facebook posts – cover all bases.
You can type “unspoil <show name>” in the Chrome addressbar and every webpage you load will be meticulously filtered of anything you won’t want to accidentally see. Bliss.
7. Just stay away from the internet
At some point you’re going to have to accept that there are trolls all over the internet whose sole aim in life is to mercilessly spoil everything for everyone else. They sit in dark rooms in their pants, loitering in the comments section of Facebook pages and routinely patrolling forums, cackling to themselves as they locate their next victim.
The best way to avoid these people? Just stay off the internet and social media. The latter was basically created so that millions of people had a place to discuss things, and 99% (an almost certainly accurate estimate) of spoilers come from the web. Take yourself offline and go for a stroll in the company of Mother Nature. She’ll never let you down.
Keep visiting JOE.co.uk, though. We’re on your side, honest.
