*Spooky content ahead – reader discretion is advised*
Halloween 2019 is very quickly approaching.
There are two types of people in this world. Those that plan their Halloween costume months in advance, meticulously sourcing all of the relevant items essential for the outfit, then carefully crafting the thing piece by piece, and those that find an almost clean white t-shirt on the day itself, making up some nonsense reason as to why they are a “modern ghost”.
Whichever of the two you are, this year can be different. Lots of things have happened in 2019 and every single one of these events is Halloween costume gold. With just a small bit of preparation, you can be crowed ‘Best outfit, probably’ at the Halloween party you decide to attend.
You have no excuse. Simply pick your favourite from the following list and get crafting. You’re welcome.
Spooky Vegan Sausage Roll
The breakout snack of 2019 can be made scary by simply wearing it and standing next to a regular sausage roll all night. You’ll still be a vegan sausage roll, but at some point you’re going to start doubting yourself, and that is the most frightening thing of all.
Spooky Instagram World Record Egg
Remember that dumb Instagram post of an egg that broke the world record for having the most likes earlier this year? Well, have fun explaining that all Halloween night long after you grow a very large egg, drain it and then slot yourself inside. It is spooky because you will be wearing an unoccupied home, which is technically a ghost estate. Ooooooh, spoooOOOOky.
Spooky Goose From Untitled Goose Game
Find a very rude goose, borrow the goose’s skin, wear the skin, dominate Hallowee 2019, wash the skin, return the skin. Honk, honk, baby. Profit.
Spooky Fish Tube
Frankly it is very spooky that fish can travel at such a high velocity and still emerge unscathed afterwards. This Halloween, pay homage to the very frightening concept of fish transportation.
Spooky Fleabag Sculpture
Loads of people are going to try to be the hot priest this year, so you might as well be a little bit different. You’ll need to contact Olivia Colman and ask her to construct another sculpture, this time a little bigger and also hollow inside. It’s spooky because it was modelled on a fictional dead woman, okay.
Spooky AirPods
Simply order a gigantic pair of AirPods to be specially made, then slip yourself inside. How is that spooky? Well, Monster Mash will be playing through the headphones on a loop all night.
Spooky Journalist Headshot Monkey
The breakout internet star of the year deserves another blast of fame. This Twitter famous monkey costume is very easy to make. Just source the weird little jacket thing, allow your arm hair to grow out a little more than usual and you’ve done it. How is this costume spooky? Sorry, journalism monkey will have to explain, I am very busy right now.
Spooky Ellie Belly from Love Island
Ellie Belly has been very quiet since Love Island finished up and that can only mean one thing. She has passed away. Have fun this Halloween by pretending to be a dead stuffed elephant, you absolute pervert.
**Bonus Couples’ Costume Idea**
WELL IT WAS FUCKEN ONE A YAS.
DESGUSTANG!
