What’s the smoothest chat up line you’ve got?
Something involving fat penguins? Do you send a drink over to a table you like? Do you just go for a geniune “hey” when you see someone you fancy?
We’ve all got our preferred methods for introducing ourselves to someone we might be crushing on, but nothing, nothing in your dating repertoire can touch the style and grace of Ryan Sloan, a young man who spotted the future love of his life in a Stevenage Wetherspoon’s.
For Ryan transcends the land of DM slides and sexting and swiping right. When he sees someone he likes, he has to seize the day. Ryan has mastered the art of being complimentary, yet also respectful.
For when Ryan spotted a girl named Ruby in Wetherspoon’s this past weekend, he handed her a business card letting her know he was ready to chirpse.
https://twitter.com/ryjsr/status/787244261439832064
A man of Ryan’s standing doesn’t simply hand over a simple off-white plain business card when he wants to seduce a fair maiden – he sends over a piece of literature that’s up there with the greatest of Shakespeare’s sonnets.
Readers, if you’d indulge us for a moment, let’s really study Ryan’s bachelor business card…
Look at that subtle off-white colouring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh, my God. It even has a watermark. (With respect to Ryan, we’ve blurred out his phone number)
First of all, let’s take in that photograph. Ryan is putting his best foot forward here and letting you know he is a man of purpose and dynamism.
Two horses, two wonderful stallions stand side by side next to Ryan. Ryan wants us to know he is a man of purpose. He stands next to noble beasts, never on top of them, because as we have already ascertained, he is a respectful man, who understands beauty is not a plaything for him to do willy nilly, but instead it is something that should be nurtured and cared for.
Next, the pose – Ryan’s gone for a power pose here. One hand on the hip and one holding what appears to be a large beverage from Starbucks. Again, Ryan is showing you he is a man of purpose and dynamism. While your average Jack the Lad poses on Tinder with a bottle of £5 beer in his local night club, Ryan is here, in the morning, with some noble horses and a hot beverage.
A large hot beverage, because while Ryan is a go-getter, someone who understands the early bird gets the worm, he’s also not afraid to show you his humility. This takes it out of him, and every now and again he needs a caffeine pick me up. Ryan’s not afraid to wake up early to go and work, but that coffee/tea shows us he’d much rather be in bed, with you.
This is a man who lists “Relationship Management” as one of his LinkedIn skills and means every word of it. Ryan would never forget your name. He would always ask if you managed your weekend plans on the Monday morning.
Ryan could have just left it at the photo, but Ryan knows that looks will fade, it’s only with words and actions that a good relationship springs.
Look at his prose – Congratulations, You’re Hot! Ryan wants to thank you for being physically attractive, and sticks his text in red for hot so you know he isn’t taking the piss. Again, he is a respectful man who understands beauty should be cherished,
Official Bachelor – Ryan is capital letters The Real McCoy. A real bachelor, no hidden girlfriends or wives on the go. Ryan is single and he wants you to call him now.
This might be the end of it if wasn’t for the stunning reverse to Ryan’s card. Ryan wants to make sure you fully understand what receiving one of these cards means. You’re not just hot, you’ve intrigued him, Ryan thinks you have a wonderful soul and would like to move it further.
But, as we have discussed, while Ryan is a man of purpose and dynamism, he is most importantly, respectful of beauty, so he signs off with a quote and compliment from one of the great thinkers and modern daters of our time, Ms Katy Perry.
Ruby, please call him. Please call us. Let us know how this happens. Let us know if Ryan is the official bachelor he seems with this card. If you don’t date him, we will tbh…
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