Your dad has gone way too far this time.
A man named Robert Miller has released a YouTube video in which he claims to have piloted an alien spacecraft at Area 51, telepathically, before crashing and breaking both his legs.
Yes, this man. This man here modelling the Spring/Summer collection from Jacamo.
The video is essentially a large bald man in cargo shorts telling you he flew an alien spaceship with his mind, and the sound quality is terrible, meaning it all feels a bit like being in the pub on a Tuesday night and having to listen to the bloke holding himself up at the bar shouting at you about the time he won the World Cup for the allies.
Miller claims that he was secretly invited to work for the US government and deducts that his father did, too, before describing how he was picked up in the middle of the night by two men in black suits.
Whether the two men were Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones remains unclear.
The two men abducted him by flying him into Area 51 and then locking him in a room underground, before they eventually revealed that he was going to be a test pilot for an alien spacecraft they had reverse-engineered after finding it in 1947.
With absolutely zero training and no information other than being told that the ship is controlled “telepathically” he says he managed to fly the craft up to 500 feet, before it started plummeting to the ground.
Robert says he fell unconscious and then woke up in the medical ward, where he is told by another man in a black suit that the craft mysteriously disappeared just before crashing and everyone at the base simply “called it a day” and went inside, as though it was some kind of staff picnic and not a severely under-qualified man fucking about in a mind-controlled alien spaceship.
Long story short, the ship reappeared that night and smashed into the hot, sticky tarmac like it was meant to.
Miller, who is quite clearly standing in the video, claims to have shattered and then “lost” both his legs.
He initially signed a non-disclosure agreement after the accident but has now bravely come forward to share his story, believing that “the truth is more important” than his own personal safety.
Can whoever knows this man please come and collect your dad, he clearly isn’t taking the divorce very well.
