By occupation Peter Crouch is a professional football player; an impossibly lanky journeyman who somehow manages to score quite a few goals wherever he goes despite the fact he presumably has to squint to even see the ball from up there.
But while football might pay the bills, it’s always been clear that ol’ Crouchie’s one true love – his single burning passion – is ruthlessly tearing up whatever dancefloor is lucky enough to occupy his giant presence.
When we say this you probably think we’re referring to the infamous robot of 2006; the goal celebration that cemented Crouch’s status as a cult hero to face-painted England fans everywhere.
But the robot, by definition, is a bit restrictive, and once you get a over the novelty it’s not even that good.
If you want to see the pinnacle of Peter Crouch’s dancing repertoire, Peter Crouch truly liberated, a Peter Crouch dance that eclipses the entirety of Daniel Sturridge’s Daniel Sturridge dances in less than a minute, watch this video.
Peter Crouch bloody loves a good dance. pic.twitter.com/I4hGqonPDe
— Coral (@Coral) May 23, 2016
We’re not sure exactly what this dance is – this dance of Peter Crouch losing his fucking shit on holiday in Ibiza.
It’s not as easy to pigeonhole as the robot. There’s a lot more going on. You could call it the ‘this-is-what-being-sat-on-the-bench-at-Stoke-City-for-two-whole-seasons-does-to-a-man dance’, but that’s quite wordy.
Maybe it was born on a mad night out with Charlie Adam and Bojan. It could be a straight-up challenge to former Strictly Come Dancing winner and wife Abbey Clancy (you can’t make out for sure if she’s there with him).
It doesn’t matter anyway. Peter Crouch is spending his summer doing what he does best, and for that we should all salute him.
Looks like @petercrouch is ready for our Ibiza album… 😂💃🏻https://t.co/k7iraRoGjnhttps://t.co/Sl3iNrkRwd
— Defected Records (@DefectedRecords) May 23, 2016
