Just when I thought we’d hit rock bottom.
Just when it looked like British politics had reached its nadir, something happens which is so irredeemably bad that it hits you like a punch in the gut.
I’m talking about Boris Johnson – current touring his turn as Steven Bannon’s moth-eaten ventriloquist’s dummy – handing out cups of tea to reporters.
Here’s the video…
"I have nothing to say about this matter except to offer you some tea…" @BorisJohnson greets the media armed with a tray of mugs amid burka row pic.twitter.com/5wknsuUBTH
— ITV News (@itvnews) August 12, 2018
First things first, the phrase “Boris Johnson greets the media armed with a tray of mugs amid burka row” is something I hope never to hear again. The video is awful on so many levels. Here are some of them.
1. Those shorts.
Last seen when he was doing his basic power move of jogging with The Sun editor Tony Gallagher, I’m convinced they are the only pair he owns. I bet they’re swimming shorts as well, because he’s an absolute monster.
2. The cups.
You know he’s got a full matching dinner service in his glass-fronted cabinet, but he’s gone with a staffroom-esque menagerie of mugs of various origin. The stand-out, clearly, is the Cadbury’s Crème Egg mug that came free with his Easter Egg Festive Springtime Ovum.
3. He’s left the teabags to stew.
I mean, this detail really is unforgivable. I can’t say for sure how long the walk from Johnson’s kitchen to the end of his driveway is, but that tea is going to be way too strong.
4. There are no spoons.
Johnson has provided a bag of sugar for those journalists with a sweet tooth, but the tray clearly displays a total lack of teaspoons. Quite how he expects them to add or mix their sugar is a total mystery. Perhaps his is another power move from Johnson, forcing journalists to scald fingertips as they retrieve teabags from mugs, or use pens to stir in sugar.
5. The journalists fell for his charade.
This is the most important point. Look at his smirking face as he walks down the driveway. This is a politician – a recent Foreign Secretary, no less – whose comments have literally incited racial hatred, and yet here he is smiling and joking as they attempt to ask him about Islamophobic comments. Comments which have consequences.
https://twitter.com/MichaelConroy68/status/1028714500135026690
Johnson has been playing this character for most of his career. For many of us, the mask slipped long ago, revealing the opportunistic careerist beneath.
Lately, he has been happy to stoke racial tensions for his own political gain, and yet here he has the gall to continue the ludicrous rigmarole whereby we’re to believe he’s a harmless, slightly awkward posh bloke.
And the worst thing is that it works. Watch again, as the gathered journalists laugh at his lines, take the offered tea and, crucially, stop questioning him about his comments.
It is time we stopped this charade, accepted Johnson for the deeply divisive and dangerous politician that he is, and held him to account. Spare us the tea.
