Tbh, they should’ve called it ‘II Street Fighter, II Furious’.
Remember Street Fighter? Remember Street Fighter II? Remember the insane characters some lunatic developed and included in the game?
A yoga instructor? They wanted us to believe that an Indian fire-breathing yoga master would engage in a raucous bout of street fighting? Sure. Pull the other leg, Akira Yasuda and Akira Nishitani.
But what has become of the Street Fighter characters since they finished street fighting? Let’s assume they finished street fighting after the game was released in 1991. Where have the past 27 years taken these brutes?
Relax. We got in touch.
Ryu
From main protagonist to pain protagonist, Ryu is now immersed in the world of holistic therapy. Shortly after his Street Fighter commitments finished up, Ryu began studying the benefits of holistic therapy, learning how to find underlying problems that can restore the body’s natural balance and overall wellbeing. He’d picked up quite a few injuries from fighting over the years, so he first healed himself before being able to take care of others.
Now, Ryu operates a holistic therapy centre on wheels. He drives around mainland Europe giving out free consultations with a view to securing a regular customer base for his services. Business has been slow to pick up over the past 27 years, but it’s finally getting off the ground. Just last week, Ryu successfully healed a woman with a broken ankle. He simply put his hands over the affected area, then tripped and accidentally broke it further. She was rushed to hospital, underwent emergency surgery and is expected to make a full recovery. That’s all thanks to Ryu. Keep up the good work, buddy!
Ken Masters
Ken’s changed his name and career since his Street Fighter days, taking a completely different career path and one that you’re sure to have heard of. Perhaps your brain will connect the dots when I say the name Nicky Clarke. That’s right, Ken adopted a pseudonym and became a celebrity hairdresser. He didn’t want people to associate the street fighting aspect of his personality with his hairdressing ventures, so chose the name Nicky Clarke as it’s actually an anagram of Ken Masters, give or take.
Nicky received an OBE in 2008 for reaching the milestone of 30 years in hairstyling, despite having only been styling hair for 17 years at that stage. He’s appeared on many television shows, such as Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway, Celebrity Come Dine With Me, The Jump and Pointless. Ken / Nicky Clarke is a household name, literally, as a woman in Bognor Regis named her semi-detached two-storey home after him last year. The future looks bring for Ken. He and Ryu might not fight any more, but at least they’re using their hands for good.
E. Honda
Edmond Honda has hung up his sumo wrestling bag of sprinkling salt for the last time. He’s left the world of combat sports and become a full-time make up artist. The passion was ignited back in E’s street fighting days, when he used to apply a small amount of face paint to intimidate his opponents. What was once a showbiz accessory became an everyday essential. Thus ‘E. Honda – MUA’ was born unto the world. He flirted with the idea of getting professional makeup artistry training, but the organisers refused his application as he was simply too qualified.
E. Honda is now a professional makeup artist to the stars. He’s done them all, even Jamie Lee Curtis. He’ll put makeup on any man, woman or child for the right price. E never felt comfortable fighting, he did it out of necessity. Now instead of creating wounds, he helps to conceal them, along with all other blemishes the human skin throws his way. E has his own company and hopes to get into the world of theatrical makeup. If you’ve got any leads, hit him up (not literally – he wanted us to really stress that point as he’s now a pacifist).
Guile
The former United States Air Force Major couldn’t have been happier when he stepped away from Street Fighter. He successfully avenged the death of his fellow Air Force member Charlie and was able to move on with his life. Guile got married, had two kids and adopted a disabled goldfish. He took a job at the local Asda and started playing Bridge in the evenings. His pent up rage was released, he had nothing left to fight for. Finally, he was content.
Then, unfortunately, Guile discovered medicinal marijuana. He begun dabbling in the stuff after a co-worker gave him a hit one day, then it turned into a full blown addiction. One single inhalation of “the ganja” ruined his whole life. His wife left him, the two kids walked away, as did the disabled goldfish. Guile suddenly had nothing because of one split second stupid decision. He threw it all away and returned to the streets. He, once again, became a Street Fighter. Nobody has heard from Guile in several years. If only he abstained from that singular puff of marijuana, things could’ve been so different. Be careful out there, kids.
Chun-Li
The first female in any fighting franchise continued to break the mould after her Street Fighter involvement ended. Chun-Li wowed fans worldwide as she became the first woman to ever eat a Yorkie bar. This was back at a time when Yorkies were explicitly not for girls. Manufacturers were stunned that she even knew about their existence, as the bars were supposed to be kept secret from all women at all times. They should’ve known better than to assume the ignorance of an expert martial artist.
After illegally consuming a Yorkie (they’re not for girls), Chun-Li was unstoppable. She paved the way for women worldwide as she shunned societal norms and gained true equality for females worldwide. Before Chun-Li broke the mould, women weren’t allowed to drive cars. “Fuck that”, she said to the Government, who took her very seriously because she is, as previously mentioned, a martial artist. Nowadays Chun-Li watches football, refers to men as ‘bro’ and even plays with Scalextric sets. She is a feminist icon and a true hero.
Blanka
The Brazilian beast went on to find great success after Street Fighter, playing football at a national and international level right through to this very day. He joined Everton aged nine, then made his premier league debut against Tottenham Hotspur at 16. Blanka was England’s youngest ever player after his debut at 17 and became the country’s youngest ever goalscorer after hitting a belter against Macedonia. He then moved to Manchester United for 13 years, scoring a total of 250 goals before returning to Everton where he plays today.
Off the pitch, he’s a family man, marrying his childhood sweetheart, Coleen, and having three sons. Blanka is only 32 years of age, so to have been an accomplished Street Fighter and boast an incredible football career at this point in his life is staggering. He’s an inspiration to young beasts everywhere and proof that hard work truly does pay off. It had been rumoured that Blanka was a body double for some of the stunts during the Shrek movies, but his representation refused to provide us with a comment when we contacted them.
Zangief
The Red Cyclone gladly hung up his professional wrestling boots after Street Fighter, eager to pursue other interests. Rather than breaking bones, he decided to locate them and became a very successful archaeologist. Zangief spent 10 years at an archaeological dig site in Peru, dusting for remnants of the past. He became the most successful digger in those ten years, after finding two whole pieces that were belonging to an old vase. His fellow archaeologists were thrilled, but also quite jealous of his prowess.
Once he peaked in his archeology career, Zangief turned to painting. He used various household items to express himself on canvas, ranging from butter knife etchings to toilet seat covers, his paintings were truly unique pieces of artwork. To this day, Zangief spends a lot of time in his art studio, creating beautiful sculptures and paintings that sell for an impressive sum. His latest offering, a tube of toothpaste (that has been completely emptied thanks to a roll and tuck method) sold for £1.99. Keep up the good work, Zangief!
Dhalsim
He’s still not wearing shoes, not that anyone’s surprised to hear it. Dhalism entered the Street Fighter tournament to raise money for his money for his village and he did exactly that. Once he returned back to his old stomping ground with a big fat wad of cash, his neighbours were thrilled at the prospect of having a more advanced society with better amenities. Unfortunately, much to their disappointment, Dhalism had no intentions of sharing the money he won. Instead, he pissed it all away on Soda Streams.
Rather than safeguarding the future of his village, Dhalism went nuts on fizzy drinks. He bought 87 Soda Streams for himself and refused to share them with anyone, not even his own family. Dhalism quickly became addicted to carbonated beverages, seeing a harsh impact on his physical health as well as mentally. He went to a dark place and it seemed like he would never emerge. But then Dhalism discovered stud earrings. He’d only ever used hoops, but now felt a stone lighter without a more practical style. Dhalism turned everything around, regained the love and support of his family and became a better person overall. Sadly, his loyal elephant Kodal mistook him for food one evening last year and ate him in one whole bite. RIP Dhalism x
Images via Wikipedia
